Fata Morgana
by christinaking
Summary: He came to her in dreams, snippets of their life together. When she'd reach to touch him in those dreams, her hand would go right through him. He was a mirage. Fata Morgana, her dream-self thought bitterly at the irony of the name. It was a cruel joke of her subconscious; even in her dreams she couldn't touch him. (Established Demily)
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This story is in my Labyrinthine and Serenus universe, a few years later. It will make more sense if you've read those, but can muddle through if not. I'm going to warn you that this one gets dark. Just remember I love my Demily, and hang on for the ride! _

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

Serena Morgan smiled in excitement at the candles on her cake as the guests at her eighth birthday party sang to her.

In the three years she'd been with Derek and Emily, she'd blossomed into an even more beautiful young girl. Some of the roundness in her cheeks had disappeared, giving her a much more mature appearance, but the bright eyes and the wide smile were still the same. She'd decided she wanted to grow her hair longer a couple of years ago and it now hung in loose curls to her shoulders, the natural blond highlights she'd gotten from her birth mother giving her medium brown hair a truly unique appearance all her own.

She was in second grade at Walden Country School, though she spent a few hours a day in a resource room. Back in first grade, when the school switched from a play-based, exploration program to a more academic one, Emily and Derek had worked with her teacher and the director, Kathryn, to come up with a plan. Because two hours a week of parent volunteering in the classroom was a mandatory part of the school, Serena was no secret to anyone; everyone knew she was brilliant. But the highly educated parents who now knew their family so well handled it, never singling Serena out or acting shocked by her academic capabilities that went well beyond her years. The resource room at the school had always been there, for kids who needed extra help in subjects, or for kids who were more advanced and needed more challenging work. Serena spent art, music, PE and social studies with her class always. She would meet with her teacher at the beginning of the week and look at the lesson plans for different projects the class was working on, and together they'd decide which ones Serena would like to participate in. She enjoyed the small-group collaboration projects even if the material was far below her level, so she usually stayed for those activities. The rest of the time she went to the resource room and worked on her online classes in math and science. If she struggled with something or had questions, she often talked to Spencer. He was a frequent visitor at their house, helping Serena, enjoying her company.

They avoided online literature classes. Though she was capable of complex material, they wanted to keep her an innocent little girl. Reading and writing were no problem for Serena; Emily carefully selected age-appropriate books and came up with lesson plans for that coursework. They weren't sure Serena was going to make it through eighth grade at that school before needing something more, but for the time being, they all appreciated the close-knit community that felt like a safe place to learn and grow.

Emily never returned to full-time work as a consultant after Caleb was born. She never put her website back up. She worked her contracted ten hours a week at the BAU, and put in an additional ten to twenty hours a week doing cognitive interviews for local law enforcement, but her reputation was all word-of-mouth. It kept her just busy enough to feel satisfied with her career, but not so busy that she couldn't fully enjoy her children and be home to pick up Serena after school every day.

Emily started working with Serena, teaching her different languages, just because Serena's mind seemed to constantly want to absorb something new. It also opened a new world of books for Serena, who could now read and speak fluent Spanish. Emily was relearning and brushing up on her Russian with Serena now.

They had not had her IQ tested; they didn't want an official label attached to her. Though Serena knew what and IQ test was, she didn't care, and they didn't care because the other side of Serena is that she wanted to be a child, and she was one. She was kind to everyone and all of the adults who knew her called her "delightful." She did not flaunt her knowledge, she understood that she was very advanced academically, but she never talked about that much at all with her friends. She always made sure people felt included and she loved to play certain things at an age-appropriate level. Her close friends were children like her in many ways, who didn't like dolls or average kid toys, but enjoyed things like art, play-acting and riding bikes or exploring outside. Her best friend, though, was Henry. They were like siblings and he came to their house every day after school now.

The only difficult thing to balance with Serena was that her empathy and understanding of people and the world was that of an adult in many ways, but she was still a child. Emily and Derek and Serena's other trusted adults in her life could normally find that balance, except when it came to the exact nature of Derek's job and the BAU. They desperately wanted to keep that darkness out of her innocent life, but it became impossible as she aged. She came to them when she was six years old, having put two and two together, coming to the conclusion that her previous foster mother was actually one of the bad guys Derek helped track down in his job. She would ask such insightful questions that they would have to remind themselves that they were talking to a child before being able to answer her. They were honest without getting into gory details. She started watching Derek when he came home from working on a case. Derek, who always bounded in the door with a happy smile and hugs and kisses for his children and Emily would sometimes get a far off look in his eye at a certain point later if a case had been particularly difficult. Serena noticed this when it happened and would come to give him an extra hug and say things like, "I'm sorry it was a hard case, Daddy."

But she didn't give the darkness much room in her life. Her powers of compartmentalization were as good as Emily's. When Derek left for a case, Serena was confident that he would come home, that their family would be as amazing as it always was.

If you asked Serena what her favorite thing in the world was, she would tell you, "Caleb."

Sweet Caleb with his light caramel skin, wavy black hair, and Derek's face, except for the eyes and eyelashes; those were still all Emily. Caleb started smiling just shy of turning two months old and hadn't really stopped much in the two and a half years since. He embraced life with gusto, loved anything to do with trains, loved his parents and his wonderful mesh of a family, and adored his big sister.

His first word was "Nena," for Serena. And though he could now say her name correctly, he still called her Nena. He was a little advanced in the language department, simply because Serena read to him so much. And because he heard Emily and Serena talking in Spanish frequently, he had some of those words, too. But for the most part, he was just your average, happy two year old.

The weekend before Serena's birthday, Derek came home on a Friday evening to a slightly defeated Emily. "I barely escaped death several times over the years, but potty training is going to kill me, Derek," she'd said wearily, but with a small smile on her lips, because she could never stop smiling when she talked about their children. "I think I'll stop for awhile, maybe he's just not ready. He totally understands, but he's quite content to just use a diaper and keep playing."

Derek had gone into the living room where Caleb was playing with his wooden trains and said, "Caleb, my boy, tomorrow we are getting it done."

What transpired there was some deep male bonding mystery that Emily didn't understand. On her end, Derek was doing essentially the same thing she had tried, except she didn't have a penis. Whatever the reason, that was the end of diapers in the Morgan household.

Caleb excitedly told every adult he knew at Serena's birthday party about his underwear, but he sought out JJ first. The two of them had a bond that started the moment she helped deliver him. After Caleb started saying "Nena," "Mama and Dada" followed. Shortly after that, "Nana" spilled from his lips, for Derek's mom who now lived close and saw him several times a week. And then "Udi," for Judy, their friend and neighbor who watched him during the day. But after that, he started saying, "Ma-ga-ga," frequently. They were perplexed for a couple of days at what he was trying to communicate, but one evening JJ showed up to say hello and Caleb had toddled over to her on unsteady legs and exclaimed, "Ma-ga-ga!"

_My JJ, _realized Emily, with tears in her eyes. And he still called her that. Not _JJ_, but _My JJ_. "My JJ! I have on big boy underwear! No more diapers!" he exclaimed to her the day of the party.

If life could be told in pictures, the pictures in the Morgan household told an epic tale of an unbelievably happy family. Their lives were so good that sometimes Emily doubted herself, that this much contentment couldn't be real.

As the "Happy Birthday" song ended, Serena took a deep breath, then looked to her side, where Caleb was sitting in the chair next to her, Derek's hands on his shoulders, preventing an excited-looking Caleb from trying to help with the birthday candles. She looked at her little brother and laughed her special little giggle. "You can help me, Caleb!"

Derek released Caleb's shoulders and both of their children smiled as they blew out the candles on that cake together.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek was trembling slightly and his hands were shaking as he held his gun, pointing it at Robert Foster. Foster had his gun against the head of a brutalized sixteen year old, Sam Waterson. Sam was bound and gagged, laying naked on the floor of a basement of an old house just outside of Baltimore. He was breathing, but it didn't look good. He was badly beaten, there was a lot of blood on the floor.

Robert Foster zeroed in on the team and sneered at Derek, "You want to pull that trigger, don't you?"

Yes, Derek did. He could actually think of nothing he'd like better. But he also wanted to potentially bring closure to two families, possibly more, whose sons' bodies had yet to be found. The whole team had their guns pointed at Robert, who was a massive, burly man with curly, auburn hair. He was, by all accounts, a smart man, surprisingly quiet for a man his size, Robert's neighbors told the team. They'd never suspect him of something like this. He was wealthy, having inherited a huge trust when his mother died. The family had invested in real estate, both homes and office buildings, some in the seedier areas of town having fallen into disrepair, but they'd made a small fortune with the rest. They were in the basement of one of the vacant homes now.

Baltimore had called in the BAU on the Sunday after Serena's birthday party when they discovered the bodies of two teenage boys who had been repeatedly raped and tortured before their bodies couldn't take anymore and they died, both from internal bleeding. It appeared Foster kept the boys for a couple of days before it got to that point. The team tracked those boys to a rough area of Baltimore where young drug addicts lived and congregated. Though it was difficult to communicate with the young people they found on the streets, they ultimately discovered that two boys had gone missing a couple months previously, and there was another boy, Sam Waterson, who had gone missing just the day before, but that wasn't strange. People came and went all of the time, one of the more lucid girls told them.

Robert Foster plucked kids off the street who had no families, or had families who still cared but didn't know what to do - they'd tried to get their sons in rehab, some of them several times, they'd tried to get them off the streets, but they couldn't. They didn't know to report that their sons were missing because for them they were already gone.

The team was able to piece together a description of a large man with auburn hair who frequented the area, selling drugs for cheap. They dug further and realized that a man fitting that description owned the run-down building where the kids sometimes crashed. He created his own perfect hunting ground for his victims, all between the ages of sixteen and twenty, ethnicity didn't matter. They didn't know for certain how many victims he had in the past, but they were banking on at least the two that disappeared a couple of months ago, and Sam Waterson, who may still be alive.

And he was alive. Derek could see his chest rising and falling in that basement. It was when Sam Waterson looked at him with a tortured expression, one that spoke volumes, that Derek started trembling in rage towards Robert Foster; Sam Waterson would welcome death rather than try to recover from this.

When Foster refused to put down his weapon, Hotch shot him in the shoulder of his gun hand, and he dropped the weapon. Rossi and Reid quickly restrained and cuffed him. Goldstone, who'd now been with the BAU for over two years, ran to check on Sam. And JJ reached out to Derek. She put her hand on Derek's gun where it was still raised and slowly lowered his arms. She looked at him, concerned, noticing the trembling, but didn't say anything.

Sam Waterson died in the ambulance en route to the hospital.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emily startled awake with a gasp when her phone rang a little after midnight. With Derek on the case in Baltimore, her heart frantically started thumping, thinking the worst. The caller ID said it was JJ.

As soon as Emily answered, JJ rushed out, "Derek's okay. He's on his way home now."

Emily sucked in a deep breath and JJ continued. "This case really got under his skin, Em. I haven't seen him like this in a long time." JJ told her the details of what had happened.

Emily and Derek had made a rule when she came back from London and stopped working with him: Let me know when you're leaving, check in when you can, call if you need me, and come home; the details could be discussed after if he wanted to talk about them.

When Derek got home about thirty minutes after JJ's call, she heard him walk upstairs, she heard him peek in on Serena, and then heard him walk to Caleb's room to check on him. Then he walked in their bedroom door and straight into the bathroom. She heard him turn on the shower. Emily debated whether or not to give him space or go to him, and decided on the latter. He'd broken a rule; he hadn't called her when this case got awful, which meant in her mind that he needed her more than he was willing to admit at the moment.

The bathroom door was cracked and she opened it enough to peek inside. She could see him through the glass shower doors, head tipped so his forehead rested on the cool tile under the shower head, water pounding on the back of his neck. His eyes were closed. He looked devastated.

She shed her pajamas quickly and quietly and walked to the shower door. He turned his head slightly when she opened it, but didn't move from his position. Emily stepped up behind him until her body touched his. She gently placed her arms around him and pressed a kiss on his shoulder. "JJ called me," she said quietly.

Derek turned in her arms and wrapped her in a hug. He buried his head in her neck and started crying and Emily gently ran her hands up and down his back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she whispered.

He shook his head against her and replied, "Not tonight. Tomorrow. Hotch told me to take a day."

Tomorrow was Wednesday, a day she normally worked at the BAU for five hours. She'd already told JJ to let Hotch know she wouldn't be in. Emily bent her head to kiss the skin between his neck and shoulder, the place she could reach clasped this tightly in his arms, and said, "I know. I'm taking one, too."

They slept naked that night, his body wrapped tightly around hers as if the skin contact could heal him. And Emily knew from over ten years of being with him that it did help them both. But she didn't sleep much that night. Derek almost never talked about what happened to him as a teenager with Carl Buford, but occasionally a case would come along that shook him like this and he'd give her small bits of insight to that part of him, the part he'd let go of long ago, for the most part. But she was worried. After spending the past several years mostly doing cognitive interviews and learning to pick up on the vibrations and nuances of a person's body rather than just their words, this one felt different with Derek. Even in his sleep she felt the hum of something deeper swirling in his mind.

The next morning she awoke early and dressed in comfortable clothes while Derek continued to sleep. She went downstairs and started breakfast and Serena and Caleb woke up shortly after. Serena noticed their closed bedroom door before walking with Caleb down the stairs hand-in-hand. "Is Daddy home?" she whispered quietly to Emily so Caleb wouldn't hear.

"Yes, but he's tired, sweet girl. Let's let him sleep and you can talk to him when you get home from school. He's not going to work today so he'll be here."

Serena nodded happily, glad he was home safely. Emily took Serena to school with Caleb in the car, so they could both tell her goodbye for the day, and then returned home, dropping Caleb across the street with his regular babysitter, Judy. "I'm home today if you need anything," Emily told Judy. "Derek had a rough case so I'm sticking around."

Judy didn't question statements like that. She was a lovely, kind woman whom Caleb adored. She was a good friend. She understood Derek's job, and Emily's. She cared for Caleb like one of her own and never asked questions, but willingly listened when Emily offered anything up.

Emily was surprised when she walked across the street and into their house and found Derek waiting for her, dressed for a run. "Want to come with me?" he asked.

She quickly changed and walked out the front door with him. He pushed her hard on that run for six fast-paced miles. She kept up in silence, sensing this was some part of his processing and he wanted her there. He slowed down in the park a few blocks from their house and settled into a walk. They caught their breath and when they were both breathing evenly again, he reached out and linked his fingers with hers.

She glanced up at him and broke the silence, "I'm sorry you couldn't save Sam Waterson."

He stopped walking and turned to her. She turned her body so she was facing his and he linked his other hand with hers, whispering, "I've come to accept that we lose people often in this job. while trying to make sure more people aren't lost. It wasn't that we couldn't save him; it was that he didn't want to be saved. He had a look in his eyes that I remember seeing in myself when I was a teenager, where death would be a welcome escape. The only reason I didn't do it was because my mom had already lost my dad and I couldn't do that to her. I learned to push through. But I remember the feeling and when Sam Waterson looked at me like that, I felt like I was looking in the mirror at a younger version of myself that I forgot existed." One tear slowly made a path down his cheek as he finished talking.

Emily swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. He released one hand from Derek's and reached up to gently brush his tear away, keeping her hand on his cheek. She searched for words, finally settling on, "It's so hard to remember things like that, but it's important, too. It keeps us grounded and reminds us where we came from, so that we can celebrate who we are now even more. We've both traveled long, hard roads, Derek, and we came out shining on the other side. When things like last night happen, I think it's important to let ourselves feel those feelings because it keeps us real. It should show you just how strong you are that you told me this. And I love you for who you are now, and for who you were, even that part of you you want to forget, because it makes us whole. Even the bad parts make us whole, Derek. Remember and feel, but at the end of the day, hang on to our present, my sweet love."


	3. Chapter 3

Emily watched Derek for a few weeks after their conversation in the park that day, but he seemed to be back to his usual self. She frequently checked in with the team at first, just to make sure that she wasn't missing something, but they all gave her similar reports. Derek was great, focused at work, loved talking about his family, happy when Emily was at the BAU working with them.

Spring slowly melted into summer, and it was a good one. Serena joined the swim team at the club they belonged to and while she didn't excel in it like everything else she did, she held her own. She enjoyed being part of a team.

Emily signed Caleb up for a parent/child swim class on Saturday mornings at the pool, in hopes that Derek could often be that parent, and most Saturdays he was home and he was. Serena and Emily would happily sit together in a lounge chair and watch the two of them together in the pool. Serena, who never stopped celebrating the joys of her family with her facial expressions and body language, would giggle along with Emily when Derek and Caleb were being particularly cute together.

In June, as per their tradition that started when she was pregnant with Caleb, Emily went out in public to dance with Derek for his birthday. And though Emily had tipped the scales into what most would consider "late-40s," she never felt that way when she was dancing with him. They still got impressive stares from the much younger crowd on the dance floor.

Serena went from slightly above average in the height to well above average over the course of the spring and summer. She was still her adorable, wonderful self, but it made Emily a little sad; it all seemed to be happening so fast. And when you combined her height with some of the more insightful things that often came out of her mouth, it was difficult to remind yourself that you were talking to an eight year old.

Penelope, who took Serena on her first shopping adventure so many years ago, was Serena's constant shopping companion since. When their little girl took off in the growth department that summer, Penelope was the one who happily took Serena, along with Emily's credit card, out to get her some new clothes.

That summer, Serena finished her online courses in Algebra II and Astronomy, and looked forward to starting Trigonometry in September. Spencer became an even more frequent visitor at the house, not because Serena needed much help, but because she liked working with people rather than alone, and while Emily could keep up, it wasn't in the way Spencer could, with anecdotal stories about math history.

By the time August rolled around, the Morgan household was ready for full-swing fall planning. It was their family's happiest time, with so many celebrations: The anniversary of Serena's adoption day, Caleb's birthday, Emily's birthday, Halloween, and on and on. For Emily and Derek, two people who remembered dates and milestones better than most, there were other things they celebrated, in private. Their first time together over a decade ago, when Emily first returned from Paris after Doyle, when they first started reading together via Skype when Emily was in London. There really wasn't a week that time of year where they weren't celebrating something as a family, or celebrating just the two of them in the privacy of their room after the kids were asleep.

JJ and Will, who were often over for dinner that summer, had much fun at Emily and Derek's expense with regards to their little, special anniversaries. "Well, Will, I think it's time we hit the road. I know that glance they just shared and it must be time to celebrate the first time they sneezed in front of each other," JJ said one night, which made them all laugh.

It was August 14th when, after nearly four years of almost complete personal peace in the their lives and the lives of the team, that everything came crashing down around them, like this much goodness given their careers had been a gift that went on too long and it was finally time to pay the piper.

Emily was working with her friend Michelle Stone, the newly promoted Fairfax Commonwealth's Attorney, doing cognitive interviews with witnesses of a homicide. Emily was in Michelle's office, taking a break and eating lunch, talking about things other than the case, when her eyes flashed to the CNN report that was on mute on the TV in the office. She froze for a second before she grabbed the remote from Michelle's desk and turned on the volume, heard the reporter standing on the other side of a police barricade with a microphone in her hand.

_Robert Foster, sentenced yesterday to life in prison for the brutal rapes and murders of five young men in Baltimore, escaped just after 10:00am this morning, in transit from the Baltimore County Detention Center to North Branch Correctional Institute, a hyper-max prison in Crapestown, Maryland. Reports claim that he managed to overtake the two officers driving him, taking their guns, murdering both. He hijacked a car on the freeway, killing the driver. He was spotted at 11:40am back on the streets of Baltimore, where he already has a young boy captive. It's now reported Foster has them barricaded in the basement of a building down the street from this barricade."_

Emily reached for her phone in her purse and called Derek, who answered on the first ring.

"Where are you?" Emily demanded.

"About ten minutes away from the building where Foster is, Em," he replied tensely.

Emily felt physically ill, like every bite of lunch she'd just eaten was about to make a reappearance. "You should have called me earlier. You don't have to do this one, Derek. They can handle it without you. Please, please sit this one out. He could have taken off and gone anywhere, but he walked right back into Baltimore. There has to be a reason."

"His family owned the building he's currently in. We think maybe there's something in there he needed. A patrol officer saw him unlocking the front door of the building. He already had Eric Ray. When the officer shouted, he put the Eric in front of him, held a gun to his head and backed inside the building and down into the basement. The room he's in is to our advantage, we have the schematics. If I can help save Eric then I have to. He's ten years old, Emily, just some little kid who went to buy candy at a corner market on a summer day and ended up in the clutches of Robert Foster."

"You have a family now," she cried.

"Don't do that," he pleaded. "This is no different than what I do all of the time, Em. Please understand."

Emily dug deep to understand. She'd been so long without a gun and credentials that that feeling of absolutely having to be there, to do something, to stop something, to fight the bad guys was buried deep. She tried to dig that feeling out and have empathy for her husband, who did do things like this all of the time and always walked back in their door.

"I love you. I have faith that you're going to come home safely, Derek," she finally managed.

"I will. I love you."

Emily dialed Garcia who answered without her usual cheerful tone and nickname. "Emily," she said quietly.

"Pen, I need to hear," Emily quietly demanded.

"Em, I shouldn't," despaired Garcia weakly.

"Garcia! If this had happened yesterday, I would have been right there in the office with you listening. Patch me through!" Emily shouted.

Emily heard a couple of clicks and then static, and then voices. She removed the phone from her ear and put it on speaker, holding it in her lap and rocking. Michelle, who had heard only one side of the exchange up until this point and was sitting in stunned silence at her desk, got up and pulled her chair near Emily. She sat down and put a hand on Emily's back.

_Emily heard the team talking. She heard the initial negotiations, and Foster's voice was loud; they must have gotten speakers to amplify his voice because it sounded like he was right there. She heard Foster a little louder, yelling that he wanted to talk to Derek Morgan only. No weapons. If Derek came in, the boy could go out. She heard Derek negotiate back that he was coming in with another agent. She heard silence for a second before Foster agreed. _

_"_NO!" shouted Emily, but she knew this communication only went one way; he couldn't hear her.

_ She heard Goldstone volunteer to go in with Derek. Hotch asked Derek if he was sure. "I've got this, Hotch," said Derek with conviction. Hotch must have nodded. And then, "Unlock the door. We're coming in," Derek shouted._

This all felt wrong.

_There was the sound of a heavy door creaking open, then closing and latching, metal on metal, probably steel. The sound of a bolt. There was some scuffling. There was never any negotiation. It all happened so fast. There were two quick gunshots that Emily felt were going right through her. She heard Derek shout, "No!" and the heavy thud of a body hitting a body. She heard the sounds of Goldstone moaning and the sound of a younger boy scream. She heard Hotch yell, "Blow the door."_

_She heard Foster's voice, "I will put a bullet through his head if you move." Scuffling. The sound of more metal on metal. And the very last thing she heard Derek say was, "There's a tunnel!" before his mic went dead. There was the loud sound of an explosion.  
><em>

In the office, Emily stood up and started pacing. It was a trap all along.

_She heard the team. Hotch yelled to take down the other door, which Emily assumed lead to the tunnel no one knew about. She heard Goldstone gasp it was just his shoulder, he has Morgan. "Was Derek shot?" JJ screamed. "No," Goldstone replied. She heard a boy screaming. And then another explosive sound. She heard running feet. They were quiet, a dirt tunnel, thought Emily, not concrete. The sounds of another heavy door opening. "We're outside, it's an alley," said Rossi. Quiet searching and then JJ's voice..."They're gone."_

"NO!" Emily screamed again. She bolted to grab her purse.

Michelle called out Emily's name as Emily ran from the office, her phone still on speaker, the sounds of the team investigating, but she wasn't hearing it at the moment. All she could hear was her own thudding heart. She got to her car with tears streaming down her face. The sounds of the team disappeared, Garcia disconnecting her, and then her phone started ringing, but Emily didn't answer.

She gave herself five minutes to get herself together as she got on the freeway, feeling relieved at the light mid-day traffic. Five minutes, she told herself, or Hotch would send her packing the minute she showed up in Baltimore. She debated if Hotch would leak Derek's picture to the press in hopes of finding him or not. If he put out the picture, she needed to call Fran Morgan. If he didn't, she should stick with Judy. She called Fran.

"I need you to get Serena from day camp and I need you to get Caleb from Judy's!"

Fran needed no explanation after hearing the tone in Emily's voice. "Derek?" she asked, her throat thick with rapid tears.

"I'll bring him home, I promise," said Emily firmly. "Don't turn on the TV while the kids are there."

She disconnected and her cell phone rang again. Emily's five minutes were up. She answered Garcia's call with conviction and firmly said, "Tell them I'm on my way. Tell them someone helped Foster escape and lay this trap. Tell them to find those accomplices for me to interview before I get there. Tell them we are going to get him back and home safely. Keep me updated."

In that moment, she could remember it all; the feeling of needing to be there, to do something, to stop something, lit a fire in her. She was a on autopilot, an agent again, and she was going to save him. She had to. She closed her eyes briefly against the horror the could possibly happen to Derek, but reminded herself that Derek didn't fit Foster's victim profile and pushed that feeling down. They could get through anything if he just kept breathing.

_I'm coming. Just keep breathing, _she chanted in her head over and over on that drive.


	4. Chapter 4

Hotch called Emily just minutes after she disconnected with Garcia. She let the phone ring through to voice mail the first time. She took a deep breath. For four years, Emily had practiced the art of not hiding anything, letting her emotions play out, letting people in. But she knew if she wanted in on this investigation, she was going to have to call up the person she'd left in her past, the one who could hide expressions, both on her face and in her voice, who could emotionally lie her way in and out of situations to her advantage.

The phone rang again and she took another deep breath before exhaling, letting the person she used to be, long before the BAU, rise to the surface.

"Hotch," she said. Her voice was tense, but in control. Much like she knew his would be. "What do you have?"

"Emily, you shouldn't come here."

"That's non-negotiable. What do you have?"

Hotch let out a deep breath and conceded. "There's a sister. It's the only real connection Robert Foster has to anyone. She didn't receive an ounce of inheritance when the mom died, Foster got it all. So I'm not sure she would help him, but Reid was thinking if Foster offered up those accounts, she might. Foster only made calls to a burn phone when he was in custody, we're not sure if it's hers. We found the hijacked car Foster took this morning a couple of blocks from the scene. He escaped with Morgan in a different car from that alley that was already waiting there. No reports of any stolen vehicles in the area, so we're thinking someone helped him. The state police are picking the sister up and bringing her in for questioning. She should be here in thirty minutes."

Emily saw the _Maryland Welcomes You_ sign and pressed down on the accelerator a bit more, hoping she wouldn't get pulled over. "I'm doing that questioning, Hotch."

"Emily," he said warningly.

"Aaron, if this was any other person we were looking for, I would be the first person you'd want in that interrogation room. Trust me to do this."

She heard him give a deep sigh. "You need full disclosure first. Are you sure you want this?"

Emily felt bile rise in her, but she clamped it down and said with determination, "I'm the one who's going to have to deal with whatever lies on the other side of this. Tell me what you know."

"There were letters found in Robert Foster's personal possessions in his transport vehicle. We only found out about this a few minutes ago, after everything went down. They never mentioned a name so never came under much scrutiny, but they speak in the second person to someone and I think it was Derek, Emily. About how he could tell in an instant that he knew what his victims went through. Foster knew he found someone who could understand what he went through as a child. We didn't know about Foster's childhood at all. It never came up in our initial investigation, Emily. Though it was a suspected part of the profile, it was never confirmed." Hotch paused.

"Tell me," Emily said fiercely.

"The letters spiral out of control about anger towards the person, who we think is Morgan, for his ability to live a good life. He mentions seeing the wedding ring and a steady job. He becomes obsessed..."

Emily wanted to scream every profanity on the planet, but she didn't. She inhaled steadily instead. "I'm doing the questioning on the sister. I'll be there before she is."

Hotch was silent for a moment. "How fast are you driving? Jesus, Emily. I'll talk to Baltimore PD about a highway patrol car meeting up with you and escorting you in."

Though almost every part of Emily's being was devastated, she had a brief moment of satisfaction at her ability to make it through the conversation and get what she wanted. It was almost like riding a bicycle, if you want to ride one while feeling like your heart was about to tumble of of your chest.

While almost every fiber in her being wanted to pull the car over and throw up and cry and pound the pavement with her fist, she didn't. She was doing what she needed to do, she was going to interview the sister, she was going to find Derek.

Five miles later flashing lights pulled in front of her car. She followed them into Baltimore.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Robert Foster's sister, Helen, was a small woman, with greasy hair, a defeated demeanor and a look that combined both innocence and hardness. Emily picked up on it right away; this was a woman who likely did something she didn't want to do out of financial desperation, who had lived a hard life in her adult years, because by all accounts, her childhood was picture perfect on paper. But Emily knew what picture perfect on paper was in reality much of the time. She quickly decided on a tactic and went for empathy and warmth.

Emily took Helen's hand between her own, even though what she really wanted was to grab her and shake her. Emily smiled sweetly at her, "I know it came as a big shock to you to be brought in here today, and I'm sorry about that. We just need some answers in order to rescue someone and even if you don't think you have them, you might, somewhere in your head. You're our best hope."

Emily ran through a series of questions about Helen and Robert's childhood and their present life, noticing that strange undercurrent of energy she now felt when she did these interviews when people were lying or trying to hold back.

Once Emily got to the kicker question where she really needed the answers, Helen was on the verge of crumbling, while insisting she hadn't talked to Robert in years.

Emily took her top hand off Helen's and brought it gently to the woman's shoulder. "You did a really good job, Helen."

"So I did okay, then?" Helen asked.

"More than okay, Helen."

Emily patted Helen's shoulder for two beats before bringing her hand back to cover Helen's.

"I just have a few more questions, OK?"

Helen nodded.

"Do you know a woman named Marianna Swift?"

Helen shook her head, "No, I don't."

Emily squeezed Helen's hand between her own gently, "Oh, I was just wondering," said Emily innocently. "You see, Marianna Swift spent quite a long time killing men by biting into the skin on their necks, ripping through their arteries and watching them bleed to death. She was convicted and she'd currently being held in a Federal Correctional Institution pretty close to us. I think Marianna tries, but every once in awhile she she messes up. Her last roommate lost her earlobe. And you see, Helen, I have a lot of friends who work in the system. If, for instance, something happened to the federal agent your brother currently was held in captivity, you'd be an accessory to murder. It wouldn't be anywhere close to a country club and I'd make sure your first roommate was Marianna Swift."

Helen's eyes snapped open wide and landed on Emily's. Emily gave her a sickly sweet smile, "Ready to talk about the truth now?"

And Helen Foster sang like a canary. She knew her brother was being molested by their father. But when Robert finally said something to their mother, who didn't believe it, Helen backed her father and mother, not Robert. She'd spent her life feeling guilty about that, and when her mother was weakening due to cancer, ten years after their father died, Helen finally told her mother the truth. When her mother died, she left everything to Robert, as a repayment for years of doubt and accusations that tore their family apart. Robert bought the burn phone not long after that. Robert used his attorney's phone to call Helen, with promises of a cash payout the public defender couldn't refuse. Robert told Helen to have a car parked in that alley with the keys inside the trapdoor of that building that only their family knew about. He promised her every penny if she did that, said she owed him.

Emily, who wanted to literally kill this woman with her bare fists, went back to Kind Emily. "Helen, I'm so sorry. I know that must have been so hard for you. But we need to know where Robert is, and we need to know now so he doesn't hurt anyone else. You're in some trouble, but if we can save the person he has in custody now and you testify, I'm sure we can work something out."

Helen shook her head, claimed she didn't know. And Emily let the kind, loving, heartfelt woman come back to the surface of her being. She gave Helen a hug that made Emily internally want to vomit. "You do know, Helen," she whispered. "Where would Robert go if he wanted to hide and he had no place else?"

And then Helen talked about a cave behind one of the properties where they lived for awhile as children. She'd only been there once, she'd followed Robert and their father. That was how she knew what was happening.

Reid came in with a map and demanded, "Where?"

Helen pointed to one side of Patapsco Valley State Park and said through her tears, "The house was here, but I can't tell you where the cave was exactly. It took me maybe fifteen minutes to follow behind them? The path went uphill. But after, after I saw, I couldn't find my way back home for a long time."

And then Helen Foster put her face in her hands and sobbed.

Emily and Reid emerged from the interview room and JJ, who was barely containing back her own tears, looked at Emily and said, "Fucking amazing, Em."

Hotch was looking at the map with Rossi. They were debating. They considered the gun Robert had. They were worried that if a huge team swarmed the area, Robert would use that gun on Derek. In the end, they decided that just their reduced team of four should go at first; Hotch, Reid, Rossi and JJ.

Emily knew she'd never be part of that group. She played her next role, the devastated wife who trusted these people. And though she did trust them with every ounce of her being, she just desperately needed to be there. There was only one way.

"Emily," said Hotch with love, "You have to stay here."

"I know," she despaired convincingly. "Just go. I'll stay in touch with Garcia. Bring him home."

They left and Emily called Garcia, playing the role, but speaking the truth. "I'm so scared," whispered Emily.

Penelope sniffled, "Me, too, Em. I love you both so much. Do you want to be patched in?"

"No. I just can't, Pen. You'll call me if anything significant happens or they have him, right?" Emily asked in a desperate voice.

"In an instant, Em."

Emily disconnected that call, pretended to walk nonchalantly through the Baltimore Police Department office she was in and to the bathroom. No one took much notice of her she realized with satisfaction. She walked out the front doors and to her car.

She was four minutes behind them.


	5. Chapter 5

Emily pulled up behind the Bureau vehicles, parked on the side of the road on the edge of the woods behind the home where Robert Foster grew up. She got out of her car and ran to the back of the Suburban, pulling out a vest and putting it on. It felt foreign on her body and that feeling brought her up short. She couldn't participate in the search; to throw herself into things at this point would be a distraction that could jeopardize Derek. She settled herself against the side of car facing the woods, heart racing, swallowing down the huge lump in her throat. She would wait and be right there when the team found him. She trusted them to find him. She took in deep lungfuls of humid air. It was nearing three o'clock. If she calculated the time it would have taken Foster to drive here and then drag Derek uphill ten minutes to a cave, she figured Foster had had him there for about two hours. She knew Derek was out there in those woods somewhere; she could feel it. _They're coming. Just keep breathing._

The phone in Emily's hand vibrated. Garcia. Her hands were shaking as she hit the button to answer. "They have him, Em. He's alive. Medics are on the way. Foster's not there. State police are coming to help with the search," Penelope said through her tears. They weren't tears of relief, they were tears of despair and Emily immediately knew - Derek had relived his worst nightmare.

Suddenly Emily saw movement in the woods about a fifty yards away to her right, a shock of auburn hair that glinted in the sun coming through the trees. He was carrying a dead rabbit in one hand and a gun in the other. Emily's heart beat with an all-consuming rage. "Foster's right in front of me," Emily hissed quietly.

"What? Emily! Where are you?"

Robert Foster turned and saw her. He didn't shoot. Out of bullets or in a panic, or quickly assuming that the gunshot would alert others? Emily didn't know. He dropped the rabbit and took off at a full run back into the woods. Emily shouted, "I'm in pursuit. I'll drive him back towards the team!" She dropped her phone and took off after him.

Foster was huge and fast, but Emily was faster and was gaining on him. He was downhill a bit from her on her right, and that was what she wanted. She ran perpendicular to him, sometimes losing ground when she had to avoid a tree, but catching up quickly. Just a few more paces to gain and a clear path and she'd have him. She saw a flash of JJ's hair up the hill and to her left, and though she knew they would be on Foster in seconds without her, she couldn't stop herself. With every stride, her anger had built and she was ready to explode. She was almost shoulder to shoulder with Foster at this point and she saw him bring his right hand up across his body to shoot at her right when she saw the clearing she needed.

Emily jumped before he got a shot off, using the fact that she was coming at him from uphill to knock his body, that was easily more than twice her weight, to the ground. She knocked the wind out of him and she took the seconds she had to straddle herself across his stomach and grab his gun. She had the muzzle pointed under his chin before he could take in a full breath.

"Emily," JJ gasped from behind her. "We've got him. Get up. We've got him!"

But Emily didn't move. Robert Foster was looking her in the eye and he smiled at her. "Emily? He cried for you at first."

Emily shoved the gun harder under Foster's neck and Hotch was yelling at her not to do it and to get up, and Rossi and JJ were there shouting the same thing, and she heard sirens in the distance. But all she felt was rage.

"Go ahead and do it," Robert said with that same smile. "I was just heading back so I could cook me and Derek a nice dinner before round two, but I think I accomplished what I wanted. He's broken."

She felt a tug on the back of her vest, but before they could pull her off Foster, she fired. She felt the satisfying splatter of small drops of his blood hit her face and the rage melted away from her, leaving fright and devastating sadness in its wake. Hotch pulled her off Foster, and JJ took the gun from her hand while Rossi checked for a pulse that wasn't there. They all stood and stared at her and she whispered, "Where is he?"

They quickly lead Emily up the hill, JJ keeping a hand on her arm. "I don't know if you want to go in there, Em," she said quietly.

Emily gave her an incredulous look. If that's where Derek was, she was going in. But the minute she stepped into that cave, she could see why JJ was concerned. The scene came at her in flashes. She could see vomit, handcuffs lying on the floor near a metal hook that was drilled into the rock, it smelled like urine and she could see a large wet area on the rocky floor. No blood. Thankfully, thankfully, no blood. And Derek, backed against the cave wall. He was cuffed when the team found him, and likely naked, Emily thought, but he was back in his clothes that he left the house in that morning, just that morning. He looked vacant, like he'd transported himself away from this scene in his mind. She could see the bruising around his wrists from the cuffs, some bruising on his face. Reid was sitting next to him, silent and sad.

Emily crouched in front of Derek and slowly reached her hand out to touch his cheek. "I love you. I'm here," she said softly. But when her hand touched his skin, he pulled away from her, closed his eyes, turned his head.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek was non-responsive and silent the entire ambulance ride. He wouldn't answer any questions, he kept his head turned away from Emily and the EMT. Emily stomach turned in fear and worry and sadness. Her heart physically hurt. He was still breathing, but he wasn't really there. She stared at the wedding ring on Derek's finger and reminded herself that he would come back to her. With time, with love, he would heal. They would hang on together.

Emily sat curled in a ball, her forehead against her knees in the private emergency room waiting area. JJ had followed right behind the ambulance in Emily's car. When she came in the waiting area, she put Emily's keys and cell phone down and wrapped Emily in a hug, which she didn't return. She didn't move from her position. But she cried and she appreciated the warmth of her friend. Reid, Rossi and Hotch came in shortly after. They all sat silently in shock. They hadn't even taken off their vests.

At one point Hotch said, "The Unit Chief will be here in about ten minutes."

Of course he would be coming; he had two agents from the same unit in the hospital. Goldstone was fine, but he'd still been shot. And Derek. Emily didn't know what Derek was - definitely not fine. She had one brief thought of herself. She wasn't an agent and she'd pulled that trigger, not in self-defense but in blind rage.

Emily was aware when JJ got up from her seat and left the room. She returned a few seconds later with a container of disinfectant wipes and stood in front of Emily. She unclasped Emily's hands that were wrapped around her knees, and then grabbed Emily's ankles and brought her feet to the floor. Emily stared at her. JJ reached forward with a wipe and cleaned the blood splatters off Emily's face and neck. She repeated the process on Emily's arms and hands. It wasn't a lot, but it turned the wipes a light pink.

JJ reached forward and undid the velcro on Emily's vest, removing it. She did the same with her own vest. "You listen to me, Em. We let you come with us to the scene so you could be close when we found Derek. You promised to stay in the car. You knew you could put Derek in danger if you came with us to search. You got out of the vehicle and put on a vest when you heard a gunshot. My gunshot. We saw Foster running and I got to him first. My gun was holstered when I wrestled him to the ground, but I grabbed his when he dropped it. He reached for the gun in my holster and I fired his weapon, killing him."

JJ looked at Hotch, Reid and Rossi. "Understood?" They nodded firmly.

"We need to trade shirts. You have blood on your sleeves." JJ lifted her shirt off, not caring that the others where in the room. They didn't have time. Emily did the same; they traded. JJ made the same trade with the vests, reattaching Emily's for her before putting Emily's vest that was splattered with Foster's blood on her own body. She cupped Emily's cheeks and said with tears in her eyes, "You're both going to get through this, Em."


	6. Chapter 6

Emily lived with what felt like the ghost of Derek Morgan for twenty-four hours. He only said two words to her, and he repeated them over and over: "I can't."

That first evening at the hospital, after Emily barely endured a medical update from the doctor that included the phrases, "minor internal tearing," and "deep abrasions and bruising on his knees," she had walked quietly into his hospital room. Though the doctor had given him pain medicine that would normally make anyone sleepy, Derek lay in bed with his eyes wide open.

He tracked her walk to the bed and Emily kept her hands to herself for the moment even though all she wanted to do was touch him. This was different than any other time, where after something tragic they could just be relieved that the other person was alive and express that relief with joyful reverence and touch. Emily's eyes filled with tears as she looked at him. He was staring right at her and didn't blink.

"I love you. I'm so sorry that happened to you, Derek. The doctor says he'll release you soon and we can go home. I'm here. I'll be right here with you always. We'll work through this together."

Gingerly she reached her hand out and placed it on top of his. And he moved his hand away, closing it in a fist and pulling towards his body, and crackled out a weak, but apologetic, "I can't."

"It's ok, Derek. I understand," she said softly, but she felt like her insides were shattering.

She sat in the chair next to the bed and watched him until he finally fell asleep, then she quietly crept out into the hallway on weak knees and saw JJ sitting in a chair waiting for her. She let the tears really fall then, and she was aware that her body was shaking, and JJ's arms were around her and she was reassuring Emily that it was going to take time but they'd make it.

Emily didn't have a doubt about that, they would make it. But the last time this had happened, when one of them hadn't gotten there in time, she'd ended up playing dead in Paris for seven months and they had to emotionally fight hard for an additional year after that to come back together, and even then she stayed away for almost another two years before she could come home. What happened to Derek was worse and their lives were different now. They didn't have years to dedicate to him getting his footing. They had Serena and Caleb and she didn't know how all of this was going to play out. She was terrified.

Emily got herself together in that hallway and called Fran, told her what happened. It wasn't fair to keep her waiting and Emily didn't want to lie. Lying would be moot anyway; all you'd need to do is see Derek to know something far worse happened than what the news was reporting, that the federal agent taken hostage by Robert Foster was injured, but found, and Robert Foster was dead. She was trusting Fran to use the superhuman strength she had and make sure she remained stoic in front of the kids. Though she cried briefly, she quickly got herself together and said, "He's alive. We're going to make sure he gets through this," in a strong voice.

When Emily talked to Serena on the phone, she simply told her that Daddy got hurt at work, but he was going to be okay and even come home that night. She told Serena that they would stay with their Nana that weekend so Daddy could rest and Emily would call them in the morning. Emily didn't think Serena bought the simplistic explanation, but she let it go with a quiet, "Tell Daddy I love him."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emily drove Derek home that Friday night and he kept his face pointed out the passenger window the whole time. "I love you," she told him again, but he didn't turn to face her. They made the rest of the drive in silence. When they got home, he waited for Emily to unlock the front door, and then walked inside the house and straight upstairs. Emily heard the shower starting in their bathroom. She took the stairs slowly and peeked in. His eyes were closed as the water sprayed on him. She sat on the floor outside the bathroom door, peeking occasionally, for an hour, while he washed himself over and over again. Her muscles actually hurt from the tension of physically restraining herself from going to him. He emerged from the bathroom already in the pajamas that were on the hook behind the bathroom door and went straight to the bed.

Emily stood over him and tried to pour all the love she felt for him in a look. He stared again without blinking. "Do you want to eat?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I can't." Again, like an apology. He rolled over and closed his eyes.

Emily changed into pajamas and crawled in bed, staying near the edge on her side to give him space. She felt Derek shift and for a brief second she was hopeful that he was reaching out to her, but he wasn't. He got up and went downstairs. Emily found him laying on the couch. She curled herself into the chair across from him. He slept; she didn't. In the middle of the night, when he was in a deep sleep, she went upstairs to quickly take a shower herself and wash away the speckled blood of Robert Foster she knew must be in her hair.

The next morning she made breakfast and Derek managed a few bites before pushing the plate away. He avoided her eye contact, he pretended to sleep a lot of the time. Emily searched her head for something to say to him when he was awake.

"Serena wanted me to tell you she loves you."

Derek's eyes went wide in fear for a second and Emily realized what he thought, wondering what might have been in the news that his daughter could have seen.

"No, Honey," Emily whispered softly, "She doesn't know. She just thinks you got hurt at work and might need some time to heal. But I think it would be good for Serena and Caleb to see you, when you're ready, maybe tomorrow?"

Tears pricked Derek's eyes for the first time since this happened. He shook his head, "I can't."

Emily kept it together even though she wanted to crumble in tears herself, "We'll just seen how you're feeling. Maybe you'll feel up to calling them."

Later in the day, after several hours of silence, Emily pleaded softly, "Talk to me."

He stared at her for a full minute and she could see him trying to come up with a response, but he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. He rolled over on the couch so only his back faced her. And she let tears silently fall down her face.

That night Derek stayed on the couch again, and Emily dragged an air mattress out and laid on the floor in the living room, managing to get some sleep, too.

The next day was Sunday, and JJ went to Fran's house to be with the kids while Fran came to their house to see Derek. He was sitting on the couch staring into space when Fran walked in the door. Derek stood up, tears in his eyes, and walked upstairs. Fran and Emily heard the sound of the bedroom door closing and the click of the lock. It was the first time Emily thought the word "suicide," that there was the slimmest chance of that. She walked up the stairs after him and stuck a coin in the lock, twisted and opened the door. He was sitting on the edge of the bed crying and everything in her wanted to go and wrap him in her arms.

She approached him and bent to put her arms gently around him and he froze for a few seconds before he took his hands and pulled her arms away from him. "I can't."

She stood and spoke to him firmly. "I love you. If you don't want me to touch you right now, that's fine. If you don't want to talk quite yet, that's fine. But the doors stay open." He stared at her and nodded his head once.

Fran told Emily to go see the kids. She would stay and try and talk to Derek. Serena and Caleb needed her, too.

Emily used every ounce of her ability to compartmentalize on the fifteen minute drive to Fran's house and walked in the door with a smile on her face. She was happy to see them. Caleb, who didn't know to think something was terribly wrong, who thought he was just on an overnight with Nana, ran into her arms and cried out a happy, "Mommy!"

Serena was a different matter. She hugged Emily and then studied her face. "What happened? Nana and JJ just said the same thing you did, that Daddy got hurt, and he would get better. But your face tells me it's a lot worse. He's home, not in a hospital, so it's confusing me." Her young voice was thick with emotion.

JJ took Caleb's hand and said, "Come on, buddy. Let's go finish our puzzles in the other room."

"OK, My JJ," he said happily.

Emily sat next to Serena on the couch and held her hand. "My sweet girl, sometimes people get physically hurt and sometimes they get emotionally hurt. What happened to Daddy with this case has made him very sad. Physically, he has some bruises, but he's going to be okay. Emotionally, it's going to take him some time to heal."

Serena turned herself to sit on Emily's lap, facing her, something she hadn't done in over two years. Her eyes brimmed with tears. She took both of Emily's hands in hers. "I've never seen Daddy really sad. What made him so sad?"

Emily took a deep breath and searched for words. She went for a fraction of the truth. "The way this bad guy hurt people made Daddy think of some bad things that had happened to him when he was younger. Do you remember when you first came to live with us and your feelings were so hurt because of some of the things Sarah did to you that made you feel badly about yourself?"

"Yes, but you and Daddy made me feel better right away. But I can tell by how you look that Daddy's not going to feel better right away, even if we try to help him. Can I see him?"

Emily fought hard against her tears and hugged Serena, "Soon, Baby. But not just yet."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After her visit with the kids, Emily returned home to find Fran sitting silently in the same chair Emily had spent so much time in the past two days, watching Derek's back as he laid on his side on the couch.

Fran stood up and motioned Emily back outside and onto the porch.

"Things can't continue like this, Emily," she said. "He won't talk at all. He won't let you or me touch him. You said he's barely eating. He needs help. _You_ need help, Emily."

"I know," said Emily sadly. "I already thought about it on the drive home. I know a therapist who is good with sexual assault victims and I'm going to call her and have her come here tomorrow. I don't know what else to do. Part of me wants to anchor my body around him and just hold on until he relents, but he's so fragile and I'm afraid to push him. You're right, though, we can't just live like this indefinitely either."

"And Serena and Caleb need to be home. I love them and love having them at my house, but you're a family and Derek needs to remember that. They can't be around him when he's like this, though."

Fran pulled Emily into a hug and Emily wrapped her arms around the woman who had come to mean so much to her these past four years. "I'll get him back, Fran."

That afternoon, after Fran left, Hotch came by. Emily had already briefed him on how Derek was doing. Derek got up from the couch and walked upstairs to the bedroom as soon as Hotch walked in the door. Not one to tiptoe around issues, Hotch went right upstairs and leaned against the bedroom wall, facing Derek.

"We've worked together for over fifteen years, Morgan. You know this isn't how to deal with something like this. You need to talk, you need to work through things, or you're going to get lost. I know you must feel..."

And Derek stood up and shouted, "Don't you even fucking try to tell me how I must feel!"

He stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door, but then Emily, from her position in the hallway, heard the door knob turn and open slightly. _At least he remember that,_ thought Emily.

Hotch turned to stare at Emily who had watched the scene with tears in her eyes.

"Emily," said Hotch sadly, his own eyes brimming with tears.

"It's more than he's said since this happened. It's something," she said softly.

"Should I stay?" asked Hotch.

"No. Maybe come back tomorrow. Let me see if I can get him to talk now. Then we'll see."

Hotch nodded and left. Emily walked to the bathroom door and pushed it open fully.

Derek was standing with his back against the bathroom wall, head tilted back and eyes closed. Emily walked in and leaned back against the wall next to him, leaving some space between them.

"Honey, you have to talk about this. It doesn't have to be with me or anyone you know. But I can't just sit by and let you wallow in a black hole, waiting for you to guide yourself out. I'm going to have to come in there and hold your hand, and you need to let me. Serena and Caleb need to be able to come home, and we need to figure out a healthy way for you to work through things with them in our lives. There isn't another choice, Derek."

He turned to her; he looked bitter and angry. "You can't even say the word. You're hiding too, Em. You've called it 'this,' 'that,' and 'things.'"

Derek turned to stand in front of her. "Robert Foster held a gun to my head and fucked me and all I kept thinking was 'Don't pull the trigger, I have to get back to Emily!' That's not a _thing_ that we're just going to hold hands and get through! Every time you touch me now, I'm right back in that cave because if it wasn't for you and the kids, I would have wanted him to kill me. And I don't know how to disconnect the two. So don't try your comforting bullshit on me because it's not going to work!"

Derek pulled his hand back and punched a hole in the wall, right near Emily's head, where she was staring at him and crying and shaking. He immediately looked sorry, but he turned away from her and walked out the bathroom door.

Emily took in a shuddering breath and followed him. Halfway down the stairs she saw him grab his keys and wallet from the entry way table. He turned back to look at her, "I'm sorry. I love you, too, Em. Just, please, give me some time."

And he walked out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Emily sat on the steps of their stairway sobbing, barely able to catch her breath. They'd worked so hard to get here, for seven years. And then they'd had four years of beautiful peace. And now this. She didn't know how to fix this. But she couldn't let him disappear. If he needed space and time, she could give him that, but she needed to know where he was.

She stood up and went to the kitchen, where her phone was plugged in. She dialed Garcia.

"Emily?" she asked in a concerned voice.

"He's gone," Emily gasped back. "I need you to find him."

"Oh, Emily," said Penelope in despair, tears already evident in her voice. "I'm on it. Does he have his phone?"

"No. It's here. Track his car."

"Give me a second, Em." she said softly.

They didn't talk, they were both taking shuddering tear-filled breaths, and Emily could hear Garcia typing.

_It's taking her too long,_ thought Emily. _Why is it taking her so long?_

"Sorry, Em," said Garcia, reading her thoughts. "It's harder for me to do this at home than at work. Just a few more minutes."

Emily read something in her voice. Deceit? Fear? She couldn't place it. She didn't have the energy to figure it out. She sank to the floor in the kitchen. She remembered the day she came back to this house and told Derek she was leaving London and coming home. That conversation took place on this very floor, she thought. She cried some more.

Emily heard her front door open. She looked around the kitchen cabinets and saw JJ. What was JJ doing here? She lived close, just a few minutes away from each other, but why was she here? Emily heard JJ say into her phone, "I'm here, Pen."

_Oh,_ realized Emily, _Garcia must have sent her a text with one of her other phones. _And then she knew, and knew that Garcia didn't want to tell her the news over the phone.

Emily set her phone on the floor as JJ came and crouched in front of her, softly saying what Emily already figured out. "His GPS is offline, Em. He must have disabled it. Garcia can't find him with that. But she's going to keep looking for any credit card activity. We'll find him."

They'd worked many cases where someone had disabled the GPS on a car. On his, it was just a matter of a spark plug. He must have pulled it right away, making the decision that he didn't want to be found.

Emily fell apart. She didn't know she had this many tears. JJ was there, trying to say comforting words, trying to touch her and keep her grounded. But Emily was numb to it. Eventually JJ coaxed her upstairs. She convinced Emily to lay down and rest. She told Emily she'd be right there. She promised Emily again that her and Derek were going to get through this, that the universe wanting nothing more than the two of them together. That's what she said, "The universe wants nothing more than the two of you together, Em." And Emily heard that and found some comfort in those words, because they were true. It didn't mean together today or tomorrow. But they'd be together again.

Emily eventually passed out in an exhausted sleep. She'd barely eaten or slept since Friday and her mind needed a reprieve.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

He came to her in dreams, snippets of their life together. She would say, "Come back to me," but he couldn't seem to hear her. When she'd reach to touch him in those dreams, her hand would go right through him. He was a mirage. Fata Morgana, her dream-self thought bitterly at the irony of the name. It was a cruel joke of her subconscious; even in her dreams she couldn't touch him.

She came to think of herself as two people in those dreams, Past Emily and Present Emily. Past Emily was right there with Derek and could relive every touch, every sound, every word. Present Emily was a voyeur. She could watch, but not touch him. The second she tried, her hand would move through his body and the dream would fade away like wisps of smoke.

That first night after Derek left, Present Emily watched herself and Derek that very first time in her apartment, almost eleven years ago.

_Derek was on top of her and had his face buried in her neck, breathing heavy. Emily had her arms around him, was trying to blink back tears and catch her own breath, while her body still trembled around him. She never thought she would feel something like this in her life; this much passion, this much connection with someone. Derek lifted his head up and looked at her, and she squeezed him to her tighter. She didn't want him to move yet. He gently kissed her, then moved his lips back near her ear. "I've never done that with someone I truly loved before," he whispered in her ear. And Emily's heart skipped a beat, the tears slowly leaking out of her eyes. "I love you, too," she whispered back. _

_Present Emily whispered 'come back to me' and reached her hand out to him, tried to put her hand on Derek's back, and her hand went through him. Past Emily and Derek swirled away in front of her and she was left staring at blackness..._

Emily's eyes open in their bedroom and she looked at her bedside clock. 3:00am; Derek had been gone for eight hours. She looked around the room and thought JJ was probably in the guest room next door; Emily knew she wouldn't have left. She spotted Derek's laptop sitting plugged in on the floor across the room. Emily slowly got up and retrieved it, bringing it back to the bed, opening the screen and blinking at the bright light when the computer woke up.

When Caleb was six months old, Derek got the idea to record himself reading books to his son, and Serena, for the nights he was away on a case. Caleb now called them his "Daddy Books." But that's not what Emily was looking for at the moment. She was searching his computer for a recording that never made into the "Daddy Book" folder.

Emily was worried he might have deleted it , but she finally found it. She managed a small laugh; he'd named the file Booyah. She double-clicked on it and the screen filled with Derek's face. The face she knew with the bright eyes and easy smile, the face that made her feel loved and happy everyday.

_"In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon, and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon. And there were three little bears..."_

_Derek paused in his reading and looked up, smiling. His eyes tracked Emily as she walked around the bed and to the bedroom door. You could hear the door closing and a little click. _

_Derek looked back at the screen and said, "Sorry, buddy. I think reading time's over for tonight. Mommy just locked the bedroom door and that means I'm going to get lucky." _

_Emily laughed quietly off screen. On screen, Derek's face was turned towards the bedroom door and his eyes and smile got a little wider. That had been when Emily had taken off her robe. _

_"Nine years later and you still take my breath away." _

_Emily came onto the screen then. Her hand went to Derek's cheek and she bent her head to kiss him. Derek closed the laptop and they disappeared from view.  
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Emily started crying again and played the video from the beginning. JJ appeared in the room and sat next to Emily on the bed. She took Emily's hand in hers. She cried with her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At 9:00am on Monday morning, Derek Morgan walked into a branch of their bank in Chicago and withdrew $9,500 from his personal account, the account he used when he was working on houses. It was just under the $10,000 limit the bank allowed one to withdraw without filling out a form in advance. He walked out with the money in cash. They were all at the BAU at the time, even Emily, when Garcia's computer started beeping at the activity.

"He must have driven straight through the night. Why Chicago?" asked Rossi.

Emily knew why immediately and her heart sank. "Because he was a cop there, because he did undercover work, because he knows people who can help him disappear."

They all looked at her with a mixture of pity, guilt and grief. She knew she looked like hell, she knew they each blamed themselves in their own ways. Her heart was hammering and she wanted to fall apart again, but she held on. Last night she'd conceded that she could give him space, and only wanted to know where he was. Now, she conceded again. She might not be able to know where he was, but he was making plans to disappear, not making plans to kill himself. _Just keep breathing, Derek. _

Penelope called the bank teller Derek had gone to. She couldn't tell them much. She said Derek told her that he was surprising his mom and thought cash would be more fun than a check. They called Chicago PD and put them on the look out for Derek's car.

Inside, Emily knew the search would be fruitless. If Derek wanted to disappear, he could do a good job of it. Emily knew what it felt like to need to leave in order to find yourself again. There was a piece of her that was angry, though. When she left for London, he knew where she was, they didn't have kids, they weren't married. But that anger quickly melted away; this was a different circumstance entirely and she had no right to judge his actions after what he'd been through. She had faith that he would come home or reach out when he was ready and that that day would come. And in that moment, she made a decision: The best thing she could do for him was to make sure he had a solid home to return to.

She teared up again, but took a deep breath and looked at the team. "I'm going home to clean myself up, and then I'm going to get Serena and Caleb and bring them home. Keep me posted if you hear anything."

When she arrived home, she was surprised to see Will's car in the driveway. It was Monday, his day off. She went to the door and it was unlocked and she heard sounds from upstairs. She found Will in their bathroom, repairing the hole in the wall. Her eyes immediately filled with tears as he turned to look at her.

He put his tools down and stepped forward to wrap Emily in a hug. "JJ called me and said you were bringing the kids home. She thought it would be better to fix this before Serena saw it," he said softly. "He'll come back, Emily. He will."

She nodded against his shoulder and whispered a "Thank you," before stepping away from him.

She showered in their other bathroom and stayed in the water for a long time, trying to think of the best thing to say to Serena and Fran and Caleb. In the end, she decided it would be better for Serena to absorb and talk about things in this house instead of Fran's.

She called Fran and asked her to bring the kids home. There was no real explanation necessary after that; Fran immediately knew Derek wasn't there. All she asked was a quiet, "Where?"

And Emily whispered desperately back, "I don't know."

When Fran arrived with the kids, Emily could see she was clearly shaken, more shaken than she had been the day before. Caleb ran into the house happily, "Home, home, home!" he shouted while wrapping his arms around Emily's leg. She lifted him and gave him a huge hug and a kiss. It was nice to remember that she still had the capability to feel happiness with him in her arms, with his smile that looked just like Derek's.

The feeling was brief, however; Serena was staring at her and Emily's heart sank again. Fran had told her that Derek wasn't home, but had respected Emily's wishes to simply tell Serena that Emily would talk to her about it when they got to the house.

Fran took Caleb up to his bedroom to play and Emily took Serena's hand and went to sit on the couch. Serena immediately assumed the same position she had at Fran's house, sitting facing forward on Emily's lap. They had a sad, whispered.

"Where is he?" she quietly demanded.

"I don't know, Serena. I'm so sorry, but I don't know. He needs time to feel better and he wants to do that alone for right now."

"How can he feel better without us?" And then Emily's heart felt like it was going to fall right out of her when Serena figured it out and continued, "Something bad happened and now we don't make him feel good?"

"He loves us so much, my sweet girl. But, yes, right now Daddy is having a hard time having people close to him, even us."

"When will he come back?"

"I don't know, Serena."

"Will he come back?"

"Yes," Emily whispered. She would not allow herself to doubt that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That night before bed, Caleb asked for a Daddy Book. For their wonderful little boy, this felt to him like an extended case Derek was on. Caleb wasn't asking questions, but he also wasn't quite three years old and time didn't hold the same meaning for him.

Emily settled herself on Caleb's bed with Derek's laptop. Caleb crawled into Emily's lap and she put the laptop on the bed in front of him. "Which book, Caleb?" she asked in a cheerful tone she didn't feel at all; her heart was hurting just thinking about sitting here with Caleb, watching Derek read.

"Stop, Train, Stop!" he said happily.

Emily selected the book and Derek's face filled the screen and his voice filled the room. Emily bent to drop a kiss on Caleb's head as the tears welled in her eyes. She saw Serena in the doorway, Serena who had spent the majority of the day quietly in her room. Serena walked to the bed and sat down next to Emily, looking at the screen, and for the first time, she cried about this. Emily saw the tears falling down her face as she tried to control their own, as they both tried to be quiet and hide the tears from Caleb. Caleb was completely absorbed in the story, thankfully.

Emily took Serena's hand in hers and Serena leaned her head against Emily's shoulder. Serena whispered in Spanish, "Estará de vuelta. Él nos prometió para siempre."

_He'll be back. He promised us all forever. _


	8. Chapter 8

They moved through the last three weeks of summer, and Emily felt like she had multiple personalities, different people she became based on the time of day and situation.

She was a mother, and she tried hard to keep it together for Caleb and Serena, but despite those efforts, the house became quieter. Even Caleb lost some of his joy, sensing that something was wrong. And he started asking "Where's Daddy?" Emily gave vague, age-appropriate answers that he seemed to accept in the moment. Emily was worried about the day he'd stop asking, though, and when she thought about that, her anger surfaced a little. She wanted a timeline, she wanted a location at least, and Derek had left her with nothing.

The following Monday, when Derek had been gone a full week, Emily decided they needed to get back into their routines, and that helped some. Serena returned to the day camp at her school, a little quieter, but actually looking forward to the distraction of being busy. And Caleb returned to Judy's house a handful of hours a day.

Being out in public around people she knew brought her up short. Judy knew. She didn't know the details, but she lived across the street, she knew based on the newspapers that Derek had been taken hostage and then found, that he was with Robert Foster and she knew based on the articles what that man was capable of. And she knew Derek was gone. She asked where he was and Emily simply said, "He needed some time." Judy being the wonderful person she was, didn't press. She just held back tears and said, "I'm here if you need me."

The parents at school when she dropped Serena off also gave her concerned, sad looks. Emily realized that day that Derek was going to have to overcome a mountain of humiliation to even go out in public when he came home, and the bit of anger she felt towards him waned. She'd want to disappear, too, she realized. And that day, even though she promised herself that she was going to be productive and get back into a routine along with the kids, she went home and wept while she held the picture of them from that first night so many years ago of them dancing and tried to remember to Jacob's words. "Look to the start of your something spectacular and hold on."

Most days, Emily felt like she spent 90% of her energy just pretending to hold on. There wasn't much truly genuine about her actions. It wasn't that she didn't love Serena and Caleb. It was that their family felt shattered without Derek and she didn't know how to pull the pieces together without him.

Her other personality was that of an investigator, because despite the fact she understood that Derek needed some space, she still desperately wanted to just know where he was. She spent her time at the BAU, silently watching Garcia's computer screen as it ran through video feeds of airports, bus terminals and train depots, using facial recognition software to search for Derek's face. And some days Fran joined her, having the same need. But Garcia's computer never beeped. It was fishing for a needle in a haystack and it couldn't find him.

She forgot her other clients, or they let her go. It was another situation where the people she did work for had figured things out. She never had to clear her schedule; they did it for her. She got a lot of, "Call us when you're ready for work again. Call us if you need us," messages.

Except Michelle Stone. She called Emily frequently and Emily let the calls go to voice mail. Emily just couldn't take on another person's worry and sorrow. But one night, after the kids were in bed, there was a knock on the door and it was Michelle. She didn't ask to come in, she didn't stay for long. She handed Emily a sheet of paper and said, "You've almost always worked with women and girls, but I've worked with men who were victims of sexual assault. You need some knowledge and support if you're going to deal with this when Derek comes home. These are good men who run support groups." She hugged Emily and quickly departed.

After that, Emily spent less time watching computer screens trying to catch a glimpse of Derek and started facing some realities. He was going to come home at some point; she needed to know how to deal with that. She spent the time while the kids were in the care of others trying to come to her own terms with things. She started saying the word 'rape' in her head instead of 'this' and 'that.' She talked to the leaders of those support groups and realized shame played such a huge factor in situations like this, much of it centered around if the victims became aroused and ejaculated. She read the crime scene reports and the reports of the team, from when they first arrived on the scene. She felt she had a clearer picture.

She learned that Robert Foster was HIV negative and couldn't believe she was in a situation where such information filled her with such relief.

Her other personality was that of a grieving wife. She allowed herself moments of anger and depression at Derek's absence when the kids were sleeping or when she was driving between the BAU and home. She spent time angry at herself, wishing she'd told Derek years ago to quit when he offered up the option while she was pregnant with Caleb. She was angry at Derek for having gone into that basement in the first place. And she was angry at Goldstone, because there were times she convinced herself that if any other person on the team had gone into that room, they would have put a bullet in Foster's head before he got Derek into that tunnel, regardless of the bullet in his or her shooting arm. But Goldstone was so broken and apologetic himself that it was hard to stay mad. She spent a significant amount of her anger on Robert Foster, wanting to dig him up and shoot him again and again and again. She spent no time in denial; she knew this was real. She refused to get to acceptance, because that would have meant letting go. She imagined she could have spent ample time bargaining, but there was no one to bargain with. This couldn't be undone.

And finally there was her dream self. The woman who spent time after the kids were in bed fighting with herself between sleep and wakefulness. The dreams were excruciatingly painful and wonderful at the same time. She'd spend time fighting sleep to try and avoid the pain that came after, but then she'd relax and have a dream, and she'd wake up almost thinking Derek was right there next to her in bed, heart beating fast with happiness, only to have reality dawn and realize he was gone. After a dream, she couldn't sleep. She was averaging three or four hours of sleep each night.

The team was there, frequently. Not as a large, happy group, but as individuals who just wanted to be there for Emily, who would try to bring some happiness back into their home. They'd play the game and stay until the kids were asleep, and then hold Emily's hand and cry with her. In their own ways, they were all broken. No one ever tried to say too much, each at a loss of words for this mess. They just absorbed the sorrow together.

Serena's school year started, and shortly after, the anniversary of her adoption day. Emily asked Serena if she wanted to go out to dinner to celebrate and Serena stared at Emily for several seconds before answering, "I'll wait until Daddy's home." And that was the moment when Emily realized the spark had gone out of Serena's eyes. That spark that Emily swore her and Derek would keep in them forever.

That night she dreamed about that day at Kinship House, after Emily decided she wanted to bring Serena home, and Derek showed up like a knight in shining armor who was going to rescue them all with his immense love, humor and understanding. She got to the point in the dream where Derek had Serena in his arms and pulled Past Emily in for a hug. But when Present Emily tried to join in, they all disappeared.

Less than two weeks after that, Caleb's birthday arrived and they had a small, family celebration at home with just Fran. Emily didn't expect contact from Derek at that point. She knew that Derek knew the moment he reached out, Garcia would be on him like wildfire. But having two celebrations back to back with no contact made Emily's anger rise to the surface. All of those times he'd talked about the grief of having a father who wasn't there, and Derek was now the one who wasn't there. And Emily understood on most levels, but she was still mad.

That night, she dreamed about the first night Caleb was home with them, when Emily was so tired she could barely stand it, and how when Caleb woke that night, Derek would roll Emily to her side, would bring Caleb to her, would gently adjust her breast, would help Caleb latch on, would touch her face while she nursed him and tell her how amazing she was, would change and burp him and get him back to sleep, and then he'd crawl in bed and wrap his arms around her, and whisper words of love and adoration. But when Present Emily tried to touch his face to thank him, he disappeared.

It was that night that Emily came to the realization that the longer Derek was gone, the harder it was going to be for him to come home. He may be thinking and healing, but he'd be compounding his guilt for being away. The longer he was gone, the less likely it was he would be able to convince himself that it was okay to return.

After that, Emily decided she needed more sleep to cope with day to day of life in an effective way, because she was starting to look like an absolute stranger to herself in the mirror. She'd lost a few pounds, which was significant on her. She had red rimmed eyes almost constantly. She looked exhausted. She needed to bring laughter and normalcy back into their home, Derek or no Derek. She wasn't letting go, she wasn't anywhere close to letting go. But she needed to compartmentalize and do what she could for the two people who were actually there and needed her; Serena and Caleb.

She got a prescription for sleeping pills from her doctor, which effectively cut the dreams off. She started reminding herself to eat more. She stopped allowing herself time to cry as much. She refocused her energies on Serena and Caleb. She revamped the Russian lessons with Serena. She started playing more with Caleb instead of watching him play. And over the next few weeks, their home started taking on a different feel. They were happier, but it was a mirage, too: Caleb was definitely happier; Emily and Serena knew it was fake as hell. But they faked it well for Caleb's sake for a few more weeks.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

It as October 9th, a few days before Emily's birthday. She'd put Caleb to bed after living through yet another Daddy Book. She'd read with Serena for a bit and snuggled with her, but Serena was unusually quiet, even for how things were now. Emily came downstairs to the couch and stared into nothingness, thinking, "I'm so fucked if this is what my life is going to be forever. I'm back to living a half-life." A little bit of her was starting to give up on Derek, when she could swallow past her tears and hurt and fear and love to admit it.

Emily heard Serena on the stairs and watched their little girl come and sit on the ottoman, facing Emily and surveying her for a moment. Serena didn't look little anymore. It wasn't that she'd grown that much in the past couple of months; it was the look on her face that made Emily feel like Serena was years older than she had been in August.

"We were doing paper mache at Lexi's house today," said Serena softly. "We needed more newspaper and my hands were the least messy, so I went down to get more from the basement, where her parents keep stacks of old papers for fire starters in the winter."

Serena reached behind her into the waistband of her pajama pants and pulled out a torn rectangle of newsprint, unfolding it so Emily could see. Emily immediately started crying. It was the article that ran on the front page of the Washington Post after Derek was found; Derek's picture and Foster's side by side. There was little mention in the article about Derek except that he was injured but in good condition. But the article contained a myriad of horrors about Foster, and Emily gasped hard trying to overcome the feeling that every bit of innocence they'd tried to maintain for Serena was gone.

Emily looked at Serena, who also had tears dripping down her face. "I had to look some words up in the dictionary. It doesn't matter, Mommy. What matters is that I don't think Daddy is going to come home on his own. I think you have to go get him. You have to find him before he forgets to remember about us."

Emily sobbed and reached forward to wrap her arms around Serena, who immediately returned the hug. "My sweet girl, I don't know where he is. We've tried looking, we really have."

"I think he would want you to be able to find him, even if he didn't think he did, Mommy," Serena whispered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

That night, after Emily got Serena settled in bed, after she'd gently touched Serena's face and sent out a multitude of silent apologies to the universe that their eight year old likely understood words like sodomy and rape, after Serena was asleep, Emily went to their bedroom. She thought about what Serena had said. She skipped the sleeping pill. She sank into her pillow and let the dreams come.

_It was Saturday, October 12, 2013. _

_Present Emily set the stage for the dream to give it context: Emily had been in Aberdeen, Scotland leading seminars at a conference that week, and her last session ended on Friday morning. Derek flew in that day to stay for the weekend to celebrate Emily's birthday. They spent over twenty four hours in bed, making love, ordering room service, watching movies. _

_After a late dinner on the evening of October 12, while Derek was in the bathroom, Emily peeked out the curtains in the hotel room and noticed the amazingly clear skies. She returned to the bed and grabbed her phone, researching. _

_Derek returned to the bed and smiled. "What are you up to, Em? You have a silly grin on your face." _

_She smiled back at him, "Want to see something really amazing?" _

_He laughed and looked her up and down, "I thought I already was." _

_She laughed, too, and leaned forward to kiss him. "Seriously. Trust me. Come for a drive with me and I'll blow your mind. I promise." _

_They drove north for an hour, Derek asking her what they were up to and Emily not answering. Emily pushed the speed a bit, wanting to get to Fraserburgh before the show started, hoping the show would actually start; it should, based on the clear skies and what happened in the atmosphere in the past twenty-four hours. _

_Emily found a secluded pull-off with a gentle hillside that faced the ocean and turned to smile at Derek. "Do you know yet?" she asked with a grin. _

_"All I know is that it's freezing and based on what you packed, I'm thinking we're going to be outside." _

_"I'll keep you warm. Come on." _

_Emily got out of the car and grabbed her bag from the back. Derek watched while she unpacked three hotel towels and laid them on the ground. She pulled out the hotel comforter that was stuffed in her bag and grinned at him, "Come lay down." _

_Derek raised an eyebrow and laid on one of the towels. Emily laid beside him, snuggling in close and pulled the comforter over them. _

_"Stargazing?" Derek asked. "It's an amazing night for it." _

_"No. Just hold me and wait. It shouldn't be long now." _

_Derek was silent for a few seconds. "Aurora Borealis?" _

_Emily nodded. "Just wait, Derek." _

_Green-blue streaks appeared in the sky a few minutes later that got brighter and brighter. Derek gasped. _

_Emily was so happy they could share this. It was rare that the clouds would part in this area of Scotland at this time of year. She linked her fingers with his while they both looked up in awe.  
><em>

_"There's an old Inuit legend about the Labradorite stone and Aurora Borealis," said Emily. "In the legend, the Northern Lights had disappeared and a warrior was sent to find them. He searched for over a year before finding the Labradorite stone with a bit of light shining from it. He broke the stone and the northern lights burst back into the sky. They say a bit remained in the stone, and that's why Labradorite has healing powers, from the lights of Aurora Borealis." _

_Derek continued to look up in wonder and said, "How could you not believe that something that contained all of that amazing light could heal you?" He turned his head to look at Emily, who turned to face him. "It's still not the most amazing sight around, though." he said. _

_Emily smiled at him and reached to touch his cheek. _

_And Present Emily reached out to put her hand on Derek's shoulder and, for the first time, she felt him solidly underneath her hand. _

In their bedroom, Emily's eyes snapped open and she gasped for breath. Serena was right. She knew where he was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Author's Note: Just realized that this chapter might be confusing to those who hadn't read my other stories. Fata Morgana takes place in the future, based on what happened in Labyrinthine. That memory from Scotland was mentioned in that story briefly, but now we're well into the future from that. ;-)_


	9. Chapter 9

JJ sat on the edge of Emily's bed, still in her pajamas, watching Emily quickly throw clothes in a duffel bag and explain. It was a little after 5:00am, and JJ had rushed over when Emily called her. They spoke in hushed whispers so the Serena and Caleb could keep sleeping.

"So you're going to Scotland based on a dream?" asked JJ in disbelief.

"I know it sounds crazy, but I know he's there. I'm getting on standby for the 7:30 flight to London this morning. I'll pay someone for their seat if I have to. And then I'll figure out the rest once I'm there."

"Em," whispered JJ. "Don't you think it would be better to let Garcia put some feelers out first, see if she can find him? It's after 10:00 in the morning there. Places are open that she can call."

"No," said Emily, shaking her head. "I could probably find him with a few phone calls. He's likely the only black man in a relatively small town in Scotland, Jayje. But I don't want anyone to tip him off that someone was calling about him. I'm afraid he'll run again before I can get there."

"And I'm afraid that if he's not there you're going to be in the middle of nowhere with no one to support you through that heartache."

Emily looked at JJ and considered that outcome for a second. "He's there. I know it."

"And what if he's not happy to see you? What if he won't come back? Emily, you're barely hanging on now," JJ said sadly.

Emily blinked back tears. "I have to find him. I don't think he's going to come home on his own. I think at this point he has too much guilt for being away so long, for missing so much, for disappearing in the first place. He's probably at the point where he's trying to not think about us so he doesn't have to feel that guilt, and if he goes too far down that road, I'm afraid he won't ever come back." Emily zipped up her bag and faced JJ.

JJ sighed with tears in her eyes. "Ok, Em. But you be good to yourself and you call me if you need me. I'll steal the jet if I have to, and I'll be there."

Emily stepped forward and wrapped JJ in a hug, "There isn't a word in the universe that's been created for what you mean to me, Jennifer Jareau. I love you."

"I love you, too. You remind me every day that love really can conquer anything. Make him remember that, Em." JJ whispered, believing now in Emily's convictions that Derek was in Fraserburgh and just needed to be guided home.

Emily quietly stepped into Caleb's room and pressed a gentle kiss to their wonderful little boy's forehead. He didn't stir. He'd be okay while she was gone; he'd have his JJ, and a myriad of other family to take care of him. _Faith_, she reminded herself.

When she went into Serena's room, she nudged her beautiful daughter awake. Serena's eyes came open immediately, wide and alert. "You found him?" Serena asked.

Emily used more caution with Serena, for the same reason she'd called JJ instead of Fran. She could deal with it on the off chance she was wrong, but she didn't want them to have to. "Maybe, Serena. I'm not sure. I hope so. I think he might be in Scotland. I'm going to go and see. JJ will take you to school today and she'll arrange for someone to pick you up if she can't do it herself, probably Penelope or Spencer or Nana will come stay with you and your brother for the weekend. I love you, my amazing, sweet girl. I'll call you as soon as I know, I promise."

Serena sat up in her bed and whispered, "Wait, Mommy. I just need a minute."

Emily watched Serena go to her desk. She grabbed a post-it note and wrote something, she put it on the cover of a notebook, and then she disappeared with the notebook like a flash down the stairs, returning less than a minute later with a thick manila envelope with the word, "Daddy" on the front of it.

"For Daddy first, okay? You'll know when to give it to him," she told Emily. Then Serena wrapped her arms around Emily's waist.

"I love you, Serena," Emily said in a whisper, with tears falling down her face. "Thank you. I think I was starting to forget to remember myself."

Serena looked up into Emily's eyes. "Tu amor vale mas que millones de estrellas."

_Your love is worth more than a million stars. _

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emily did have to buy her way onto that early-morning flight to London. She surveyed the stragglers in the security line and approached a young man apparently traveling alone, with a backpack and headphones in his ears. She offered him the cost of any transfer fees to a later flight, $100 cash and anything he wanted in the gift shop.

Once on board the flight, Emily acknowledged that she'd likely end up in Fraserburgh late at night local time, and if she found Derek, it would be a long night in front of her after that. She was shaking in anticipation and just wanted to be alert and at her best when she found him. She allowed herself half of a sleeping pill and slept soundly the majority of the flight.

When she landed in London, she managed to get on a connecting flight to Aberdeen without having to buy a ticket off someone. She landed at 9:50 local time to a cloudy, cool, misty sky. She grabbed a map of Fraserburgh from the Aberdeen airport. She rented a car. She took the hour-long drive to come to reality: Though she might want to throw her body around his, he wouldn't want that. She would have to follow his lead. She just needed to get in the door; she needed to take all she knew of human behavior, all she knew of him, and read his expressions and just get in the door. That was the first, critical step.

Emily also decided to hold back whatever was in Serena's envelope for a bit. Emily would use it if she needed it, but she'd rather wait until Derek decided he wanted to come home first, or at least was approaching that thought. What she didn't want for Serena was the knowledge that Emily had given Derek the envelope and Derek still didn't come home.

When she came up on the outskirts of town, it was approaching 11:00pm. Her choices were limited at that hour: police or a pub. It was Friday and she knew from living in London that most pubs closed in the smaller towns at 11:00, sometimes midnight on a weekend. She banked on the pub, looked at the map, shot for a pub on the outskirts of town, knowing Derek wouldn't have likely been hanging out in the center of things.

And finding him was both easier and more heart-wrenching than she initially thought.

She saw a man locking the doors of the small pub on the edge of town, and Emily jumped out of her rental car and approached him.

"Sorry, we're closed, Lass," he said in his friendly accent when he saw her.

Emily let everything go. Everything about doing this while acting like an agent, or a grieving sibling or any other option that would have presented itself to her if she wanted to hide who she was in order to get what she needed. She went for herself.

She handed the man Derek's picture with tears in her eyes. "I'm looking for him. Have you seen him?"

The man looked at Emily's hopeful and teary eyes and took a glance down at Emily's hand, taking in the engagement and wedding ring on her finger. Emily could see him debating for a sliver of a second while studying her.

Being herself paid off.

The barkeep put a gentle hand on Emily's shoulder. "Sky Man. That's what we call him around here. Yes, I know him. He's a gentle, quiet man. Sad, actually. At least to me. Doesn't talk much. He comes around almost every night, has a beer, asks after Aurora, but she's been elusive this fall. Sky Man keeps a strange schedule, looking out for the lights in the sky, up all night and sleeps during the day from what we gather. The neighbors say the lights are on all night, anyway. He's up on Bawdley Head living in a cottage while he renovates it for a family that lives in Aberdeen."

Emily laughed through her tears. "Really?"

"Really, my lovely lass. It's just a short bit away from here. I'll show you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emily pulled in front of the cottage on Bawdley Head. The lights were on. She could see a shadow of movement inside the house. Trembling, she walked her way to the front porch and peeked in the window.

And there he was, and Emily felt like she might faint. Earbuds in his ear, painting. He'd stopped shaving and looked burly. He looked healthy, like he'd been physically active. But Emily could see underneath it all: Derek was barely hanging on as much as she was, waiting for healing lights.

He was beautiful. He was hers and she was there and he was there, and that's all that mattered.

Emily knocked on the door, but he didn't hear over the music in his ears. She reached and turned the knob, which opened; this wasn't the place where someone worried about locked doors.

She never knew whether it was a sound, or a vibration of her feet on the floor, or simply feeling her energy in the room, but Derek turned his body to face her. He removed his earbuds. Shock, fear, longing, love, worry, embarrassment, guilt and shame all flashed across face as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"How?" he whispered.

And Emily, trying to maintain control of her own tears enough to be able to speak, whispered back, "I dreamed about us every night, but I could never touch you. But then I dreamed about this place and you were there and I could feel you and I knew."

Derek let the tears come fully as he took her in, a slightly broken version of the Emily he knew. All she wanted to do was wrap him in her arms, but she knew he needed to make that first move or this could all implode in her face.

Tears in her eyes, she asked, "Can I help you paint?"

And Derek gave her a very, very small half-smile, but it was there.

And he turned and walked across the room and bent to pick up a paintbrush.

He walked back to hand the handle of the brush toward her while he held on to the bristles.

And Emily reached out, she grabbed the handle, and for a moment they were both connected by that inanimate object.

And, to Emily, it felt just as good as the thousands of touches they'd shared over the years.

She was in.


	10. Chapter 10

The cottage sat on a bluff overlooking the ocean. Emily could hear the waves crashing, even with the windows and doors closed. It was quaint and almost empty of any furniture. She quietly walked through the small space, trying to get control of her tears. Derek watched her, still silently crying, standing by the front door. The two small bedrooms were bare and looked finished. In the bathroom, there were a couple of towels folded on a shelf and the bare minimum in terms of toiletries. The kitchen had a single stool pulled up next to the counter, along with a ladder and the painting supplies. And in the living room, pushed up against the glass french doors that looked out over the bluff and into the night was a single bed and a small side table. Emily could see a crate with a few changes of clothes in it and a pair of running shoes on the floor next to the crate. There was something leaning against the lamp on the small table and Emily stepped forward to look.

It was wallet-size picture of a their family, taken the previous Christmas. The edges of the picture were very worn, like it had been held a lot. It was in Derek's wallet the day he left. He might have tossed away who he was that day, but he kept this picture. And sitting next to it was his wedding ring.

Emily's tears started again and she faced him. "So you haven't forgotten to remember us," she whispered.

Derek swallowed a few times. "Sometimes I tried to because it hurt so much to remember, but not thinking about you hurt worse."

Emily stared at him, her muscles physically aching with the tension created by holding herself back from touching him. She didn't know where to go from here, afraid to push a conversation and have him shut down on her. She just looked at him and waited.

"How are they?" he asked after a few seconds. Three words laden with so much fear and sadness.

Emily inhaled and exhaled a slow deep breath. This was it, or at least the beginning of it; her start of guiding him back home. She set the paintbrush down and took a few steps closer to him, stopping when she saw a bit of fear cross his face. "Caleb's doing okay. He misses you. I haven't read to him in weeks now; he only wants his Daddy Books. He doesn't understand where you are, but he's okay most of the time. Serena...Serena is not okay, Derek. She's worried about you. She's actually the reason I'm here. She told me that you'd want me to find you, even if you didn't think you did. She said I had to find you before you stopped remembering us. She loves you so much, and Caleb loves you. And I love you."

Derek crumbled to the floor on his knees, sobbing and covering his face with his hands. "I'm sorry, Em. I'm so sorry," he managed to get out around his sobs.

Emily stepped forward again and knelt in front of him, her heart breaking for this beautiful man who she loved so much. She reached one finger out and gently touched the back of his hand, where it covered his face. He startled just slightly and pulled his hands away to look at her.

Emily gave him a small smile, sad and hopeful at the same time. "I'm the warrior in search of the northern lights and you're the labradorite stone holding them inside you. I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me you're sorry about this ever again. I want you to let me in so I can help you release that light back out into the universe." She slowly reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, so gently she could barely feel his skin and beard under her hand. He didn't pull away. "You're still in there and I'm here to help you find yourself again," she whispered.

She could sense and see his arms moving and if she thought her heart was beating fast when she first saw him, it was nothing compared to the tempo it was beating now. She didn't know her heart could beat so fast. Derek's whole body trembled now, but he kept reaching until his arms were around her waist, pulling her to him. Emily leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, smiling and sobbing. She could feel his fear, but she also felt his love, solidly around her.

"I didn't fight him, Em," he whispered in her ear. "I was so afraid he was going to kill me and I would leave you, so I didn't fight him. And it didn't make any difference because he..." Derek stopped talking and took in a shuddering breath, his body starting to shake more.

She gently pulled away from Derek and placed both of her hands on his cheeks, looking him in the eye. And she finished his sentence for him. "He raped you and you had to leave us anyway. But you're not dead. You did fight him by staying alive. And you're still fighting him by trying to heal. You're so strong and you're still here and you're mine and I love you."

Derek stared at her for a few seconds before nodding his head slightly. "I love you, too, Em."

Emily reached her arms back around him and they cried together until they had no more tears left for the moment. Emily could sense when Derek was ready to pull away from her for awhile. For her, her heart was taking flight again. And for him, too, Emily could feel that. But she could also sense it made his heart heavy, too, and there wasn't a quick fix to how he felt about her and touch and home and she needed to follow his lead.

She released him and sat back away from him, wiping her face and looking around. "It doesn't look like there's much left to do around here."

Derek sighed, relieved that she was changing the subject for the time being. "Just some painting and the baseboards in the kitchen and living room."

"Well, let's get to work. I'm going to go to the bathroom and wash my face and then I am your servant, my sweet man."

And he laughed. It was a small laugh, but it was a laugh. His eyes weren't shining yet, but his smile was there. And her smile broke through on her face as well and she knew her eyes were shining again at the sound of his laughter. "Sounds like a plan, Em," he said to her while standing up.

In the bathroom, Emily pulled her phone from her back pocket and sent JJ a text, thankful that she'd remembered to pick up a sim card at the airport. The signal wasn't great out here, but it was enough for a text message. She wanted to call, but it didn't feel right to call them and be joyful when there was still so much uncertainty, and she didn't want Derek to feel pressured.

"He's here. He's talking. It's going to be a few days probably. I don't know. But he's talking, Jayje. And he's beautiful and wonderful and here. I have faith that he's going to come home with me, but I need to give him some time. I'll keep you posted. Tell Serena, and tell her I love her. Tell her I will call her when I can, but it's not the right time yet. She'll understand. Tell Fran. Thank you, JJ."

She hit send and waited until that slow line moved across her phone and the message said "delivered." She put her phone on silent and put it back in her pocket. She washed her face and smiled at herself in the mirror. She couldn't believe it - couldn't believe she found him, couldn't believe he was talking, couldn't believe he'd hugged her like he did.

She emerged from the bathroom and went to the living room, tossing off the sweater that covered her t-shirt. She grabbed the paintbrush and joined Derek in the kitchen.

They painted. There were long stretches of silence and short minutes of conversation.

"Have you been here the whole time?" asked Emily.

"Yes. I knew I needed to go far if I didn't want Penelope to find me. I thought of this place and of those lights in the sky and ended up here. I stayed in a hotel in town the first night, but I saw the ad in the grocery store about a family looking for work on their home in exchange for a place to stay and I took the opportunity. It's the perfect place to see the lights, but it's been too cloudy. When it's been clear, there wasn't enough solar activity."

"I didn't dream far enough," replied Emily. "All of my dreams were of us in the United States. And I looked harder for you in significant places you and I had been. But it wasn't until Serena talked to me that I let in all of the possibilities and landed here."

They lapsed into silence again for several minutes.

"What name do you use? I'm assuming you found a contact in Chicago that hooked you up."

Derek nodded and went to one of the drawers in the kitchen, reached inside an placed a passport on the counter. There was a piece of paper sticking out of it.

Emily came over to look. "Christopher Elliot" was the name on the passport, but that wasn't what she was interested in. She grabbed the paper with her fingertips. It was a boarding pass for a flight from London bound for Dulles dated September 16, the day before Caleb's birthday. Her eyes filled with tears again and she looked at Derek.

"I tried," he said quietly. "But I was too afraid. In the end, I couldn't get on the plane."

She nodded and said, "I understand, Derek. I really do. I love you."

He gave her a small smile and resumed painting. They finished the kitchen around 4:30 in the morning. Emily went outside to grab her bag while Derek was in the shower. She also checked her phone and saw a text message from JJ.

"The spark's back in Serena's eyes, Em. And in mine. I love you. And I love him. Bring him home."

Emily laughed joyfully and took a deep breath, not wanting to cry again at the moment.

Derek emerged from the shower in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and Emily was thankful she'd packed her flannel pajamas. Skin was not on the agenda for their slumber, she knew. She showered quickly and put on her pajamas. He was sitting on the edge of the bed when she walked into the living room and she surveyed him.

"If you have some extra blankets, I could take the floor," she said.

He gave her that half smile again. "I've been thinking about it, and I think I'll be okay. Come to bed, Em."

She watched Derek get under the covers and scoot his body so that it was pressed up against the glass of the french doors, on his side, facing her. She gently laid herself down, leaving him the space she could in this small twin bed. She faced him and looked in his eyes.

"I love you, Emily," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she whispered back. And then she slowly reached her hand up and placed it on his chest, over his heart. He didn't pull away. He placed his hand over hers and Emily's heart did that fast dance again.

He smiled at her as dawn was breaking through the glass doors behind him. "Goodnight, Em."


	11. Chapter 11

The best sleep Emily had had without sleeping pills in nearly two months ended abruptly.

"NO!" Derek screamed and Emily's eyes snapped open, forgetting where she was for a fraction of a second before seeing Derek's terrified face in front of her, now awake and taking in gulping breaths of air. She reached for him but he gently pushed her arm away and quickly left the bed. She heard the bathroom door close and the shower start.

Her heart was pounding and breaking at the same time. She'd never seen such a terrified look on his face and could only imagine what his nightmare must have been like. She sat up in bed and retrieved her phone from her bag to check the time. It was noon and they'd been asleep for about seven hours.

She took a deep breath, walked to the kitchen and got a glass of water and held herself back from going to check on him. He probably had these nightmares frequently and dealt with them and she wasn't sure he was ready for her to be part of that process. Instead, she looked in the refrigerator and surveyed the contents, pulling out the ingredients for simple omelets.

The shower turned off and Derek emerged a minute later in the same sweatsuit he'd worn to bed. He walked towards Emily and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and Emily's heart thrummed again at the touch. He was still there with her.

"Breakfast sounds good, but I usually run first," he said quietly. "Nightmare, shower, run, food. That's pretty much the routine, Em."

She held back her tears at the thought of how he'd been living, all alone, for these past several weeks. "Can I come with you?"

He nodded. "Of course. I want to make a stop at a store before we head back. It's about four miles round trip," he said a little uncertainly. He could see that Emily hadn't been running or seen much of the outdoors at all since he'd been gone.

She raised her eyebrows at him and smirked, "You think I can't keep up?"

And she got a small laugh out of him again. "I'd never doubt your ability to do anything, Emily Morgan."

They both stared at each other after he said that, a little teary. They'd come such a long way to be back in this uneasy place again. They took deep breaths together and the moment shifted. Emily went to her bag and got out clothes suitable for running and went to the bathroom to change. She came out and saw Derek grabbing some Scottish notes from the drawer in the kitchen.

"How much do you have left?" she asked quietly.

He turned to face her, looking down. "Not much. It cost me a few thousand dollars and my car to get the new identity quickly, especially since I needed a passport, too. The flight out here, and then the flight home I never got on, some clothes, a few tools and food, and my stash is pretty small now."

"We never found your car," she stated.

"Oh, I'm sure that beauty was in a thousand pieces before I got on my flight for London," said Derek. He hesitated, "I'm s..."

Emily held up her hand to stop him from apologizing, and smiled at him. "I guess I can stop making those car payments. Not much for the repo man to come and collect."

And he laughed a real laugh that time. And she joined him. And her heart soared.

It was a cloudy, misty afternoon, and they ran. She could tell he was going slower for her, so she pushed the pace for him. She glanced sideways at him and saw him grin. When they arrived at the drug store, Emily stopped to catch her breath while he went inside. He emerged a few minutes later with a bag in his hand. She looked curiously at it and he reached inside and showed her an electric hair trimming kit.

"You don't have to," she whispered. "If you like this look better, keep it. You're amazing however you are."

She saw it for a moment, that flicker of a sparkle in his eyes, before it disappeared again. And Emily realized in that moment that he had some doubts about how her love for him may be different now and she realized she was going to have to prove to him at some point that it wasn't. She needed to make him believe that he was the same beautiful, wonderful, loving man he'd always been.

They made it back to the house and she made breakfast while he shaved. He emerged from the bathroom looking like the Derek Morgan she knew and loved. And she smiled and cried when she saw him. "Can I hug you?" she asked.

And he reached out and grabbed the front of her shirt, pulling her to him and wrapping her in a hug. "I want us to get to a place where you don't have to ask, Em," he whispered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They painted the living room that evening and in short, matter-of-fact sentences, Derek walked her through his few hours with Robert Foster. Each sentence felt like a knife in Emily's heart. It wasn't just what Foster did, but the horrible things he said to Derek that brought her back to that place where she just wanted to kill that man over and over again. She listened and held herself together, knowing that a breakdown would stop Derek's talking, and he needed to get this all out. He got almost to the end and couldn't continue. He looked at Emily, embarrassed and ashamed.

Emily had read the crime scene reports and knew why he was stopping. She took a leap of faith that this was the right thing to do and started talking. "When I was with Doyle, just him touching me made my skin crawl and feel physically ill. I hated every minute of it, and most of the time I faked it, but sometimes I'd have an orgasm and I'd be so angry with myself after, like my body had betrayed me and I couldn't understand why or how. And I understood the physiology of it all, just like you do. But it still felt embarrassing and dirty and wrong. But it wasn't any of those things, really. It took me a long time to accept that. It was just a physical response to stimuli. And I know it feels different for you, a thousand times worse because you weren't doing something for your job, this was being done to you at gunpoint. And it was your worst nightmare happening to you again. But I want you to know that you don't have to be embarrassed about it around me. I read those crime scene reports and I knew and all I wanted to do was kiss you and hug you and tell you it was okay, that you're still whole and beautiful, and you have nothing to be ashamed of."

Derek was crying again, tears falling down his face, staring at her. She stepped forward and stood in front of him and he leaned forward and brushed a feather light kiss on her lips before pulling away again.

"You're still whole and beautiful, Derek. Believe that."

He took a deep breath and looked her in the eye, giving her a short nod. He didn't believe it, she could see that. But she could also see that he wanted to believe it.

Derek wiped his eyes on his sleeve, and she could sense again that he needed a break from all of this. They resumed their painting in silence, taking a break for a late dinner of sandwiches while the first coat was drying. Derek was still very quiet, thinking, and Emily left him in peace with his thoughts. She was doing a lot of thinking of her own about how long it might take to get him home.

They started in on the second coat of paint and they were nearly finished when Derek came to stand right next to Emily. She turned to face him and he reached his hand out and touched her face gently, running his fingers from her forehead, down her cheek, to her neck. That touch felt like the brightest sunlight Emily had ever seen.

"It's midnight," Derek whispered. "Happy Birthday, Em."

He bent forward and pressed his lips to hers and this one wasn't feather light. This one held a million emotions and promises, and it made Emily feel like Derek had crossed the line he was teetering on, walking closer to her and home. They stood there in that living room kissing, each with a paintbrush in one hand, with the sound of ocean waves crashing in the background, and Emily felt some of Derek's light releasing itself back into the universe.

He pulled away from her after a few minutes and gave her a watery smile, which she returned. "I love you, Em."

"I love you, too, Derek. So much." Emily decided it was time. "I have something for you, from Serena." She set her paintbrush down and went to retrieve the envelope from the bottom of her bag. She handed it to him and he took it with trembling hands.

"What is it?" he asked, putting his paintbrush down as well.

"I'm not sure. She's spent a lot of time at her desk writing and drawing since you've been gone, but was pretty secretive about the whole thing."

Derek sank to the floor and Emily sat down in front of him.

"Don't you want to see?" he asked.

"I'm not sure if she wanted you to see whatever it was first or not. I can wait," she whispered in anticipation, watching his face.

Derek opened the flap on the envelope and slid the notebook out. He looked at the note on the front and huffed out a laugh. "I think she wanted you to look at this with me."

Emily crawled to sit next to him and laughed herself when she saw the note written in Russian, but then tears filled her eyes. Serena wanted to make sure Emily didn't look at the notebook before she gave it to Derek, but wanted to make sure Emily was there with him when he opened it.

Арте́льный горшо́к гу́ще кипи́т.

"Artels were craftsmen in pre-revolutionary Russia. They formed co-ops and worked and lived together," said Emily thickly. "The literal translation of that is 'An artel's pot boils denser,' but the English translation based on Russian proverb is, 'With a helper, a thousand things are possible.'"

A tear fell from Derek's face and he flipped the cover open. They both gasped at the amazing detail and emotions conveyed in the first drawing, of Serena and Derek the very first time they met in the police station in Warrenton. The team was around him and Emily was smiling standing beside Serena. Derek was down on one knee smiling at Serena, who had her hand over her mouth, giggling.

They flipped the page and it was a drawing of Derek holding Serena in one arm, her head resting on her chest, reaching out to Emily who was wrapped in Derek's other arm. That day at Kinship House when they told Serena they were taking her home.

The next one was of Serena dancing with Derek, with her head on his shoulder while Emily smiled in the background in their kitchen; the first day Serena came home.

There were pages of beautiful moments Serena had shared with Derek when a camera wasn't there to capture them. Serena had always been artistic, but this was something else; the drawings were true works of art, making them feel like they were being transported back in time and reliving the moments: Making snow angels together that first winter she was with them; swimming with her at the pool; decorating the Christmas tree with Derek while Emily sat on the couch and nursed Caleb; sitting in the V of Derek's legs with baby Caleb sitting in front of her, reading him a book; snuggled with Derek in her bed laughing together, a book she'd been reading to him in her hand; Derek teaching Serena to ride her bike. They went on and on.

The last drawing was of Emily and Derek, kissing in their kitchen that last morning in August before Derek left for work. Emily knew because she was wearing new pajamas that she'd just bought the day before.

A note was written in Serena's neat script in the bottom corner.

_We are what we choose to remember every night before we sleep. _

Both Emily and Derek had tears dripping down their cheeks. "Does she know?" Derek whispered.

Emily put her hand on Derek's and said, "She found the article The Post ran. The details of what happened to you were never released, but the details about Robert Foster were there. She told me she had to look up some words. She doesn't understand the emotional scope of the whole thing, or maybe she does. I'm not sure. It seemed of little consequence to her; what mattered was that she knew I would have to come find you."

Derek sobbed, "I can't believe she knows."

"She's trying to show you how much she loves you, that you're whole and beautiful to her, too, Derek."

Derek couldn't contain himself. Emily wanted to sob, too, but Serena's pictures had given her something else; they emboldened her. Emily gently kissed Derek's cheek and stood up and turned off the overhead light in the living room, leaving them with the soft glow of his bedside lamp. She skipped going to the bathroom to change, and removed her pants and pulled on her pajama pants right there. She did the same for her shirt. She saw he was watching her, but he was still crying. Emily went and looked in his crate of clothes, finding a clean t-shirt and flannel pajama pants to trade for his paint-covered clothes. She gently removed the notebook from his hand and quickly pulled his shirt up and off, then quickly covered him again with the new shirt. She held his pajama pants out to him and he looked at her for a second before standing and pulling off his jeans and putting on the plaid flannel.

Emily took his hand and lead him to the bed. He laid down and she followed, not leaving a space between them. Instead she wrapped her arms around him and held him while he cried, pressing gentle kisses on his face. "Pick a good memory and sleep, Derek. I'm here. I won't let you go." she said.

He nodded against her and pulled her closer and tighter.


	12. Chapter 12

Late in the morning on her birthday, Emily awoke to gentle fingers touching her face. She blinked open her eyes and found Derek staring at her, the sun shining brightly behind him, not a cloud in the sky.

"What time is it?" she asked with a smile on her face.

"Almost eleven. We slept for about ten hours," he said in amazement.

"No nightmares?" she asked him.

"I had one, but it wasn't as bad. I woke up and I knew where I was and you were here. Touching you is better than a shower."

Emily smiled again at him. _Almost there,_ she thought. She wanted to ask him to come home, she wanted to get on a plane that very instant. She knew he'd say yes, but she felt strongly that that decision needed to come from him without her asking, and he wasn't quite there yet.

"Maybe we'll see some lights tonight," said Derek, gesturing behind him to the clear skies outside.

"Maybe we will. Do you want me to check my phone and see?"

He shook his head. "I wouldn't be surprised if Aurora Borealis made an appearance on this date every year since they day you were born, Em. We'll just wait and see."

She reached out and touched his cheek, then leaned forward and brushed a quick, gentle kiss against his lips. It wasn't quite as easy as it was before, but it was close; she felt a bit of a stiffness in him, but she didn't have to ask permission and he smiled at her after.

XXXXXXXXXX

They went for a run on that clear, cold afternoon and Derek took them on a route along the ocean front. After a few miles he slowed down and came to a stop, leaning against a sea wall. Emily leaned next to him and they looked out on the water for several silent minutes.

"Everyone knows," said Derek sadly.

Emily linked her fingers with his. "The team knows. Your mom knows. Other people who know you suspect that something went horribly wrong when you were with Foster and probably assume, but they don't know the details. When you come back, it's going to feel uncomfortable for you for awhile, but I'll be right there beside you, and we have good people in our lives who care about you. In time, it won't feel uncomfortable anymore."

Derek lapsed into several more minutes of silence, thinking about that. He moved away from the wall, kept his hand linked with hers and started walking back towards the cottage.

"The blood work results?" he asked quietly.

"You're clear, everything's fine. I'm sorry, I should have told you right away. I wasn't thinking about that; I was just focused on getting inside, getting you talking, connecting with you again. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Em. I figured everything was fine or you would have told me by now. But it's good to hear it for certain." He paused and turned his head to glance at her. "Emily, how do you do it? How did you let go of the hurt I must have caused you when I left? How do you take all of this in and still look at me the same as you always have?"

Emily stopped walking and turned to face him, reaching for his other hand and looking him in the eye. "I was angry sometimes that you left without telling me where you were going. The inside of my car was subject to some pretty colorful words in several different languages some days when I was driving to or from Quantico. But then I read the crime scene report and the team's reports and I let go of that anger because I would have wanted to disappear, too. Your entire support network and the people you cared about most in the world knew the details and it was too much for you to face at first."

Derek nodded his head, a pained look on his face. She squeezed his hands to get him to refocus on her. "As far as taking all of this in and still looking at you the same as always, no one and nothing could ever take away even an ounce of my love for you, Derek. It's just not possible." She smiled at him, "How did you do it?"

He raised his eyebrows at her, a curious smile on his face now, too. "Do what?"

"Make me love you this much."

He laughed a true, genuine, Derek laugh, and said, "It started with a dance."

And the sparkle was back in his eyes, and Emily was certain in that moment that three hours in hell could not ruin twelve years of their love. It would take time and there would be ups and downs, but they were going to be wonderful again.

She laughed joyfully and released his one hand, resuming their walk. They were quiet for a few minutes, but they were both smiling. Then she sensed Derek getting serious again.

"I can't go back to the BAU, Em."

Emily knew this was probably coming and was prepared. "What do you want to do? You have a world full of choices."

Derek shook his head, "I don't want any of that darkness to be part of my life anymore. I don't want to carry a gun. I don't want to get inside people's heads. I don't want to train other people for a life of that either. I still want to help people, but that's about all I know."

"You can do anything you want, Derek. I'll be there to support you. I want you to do what makes you happy. We have the trust fund and plenty to keep us going while you decide. Michelle Stone has been after me for years to come work for her full-time, so I can do that and we'd have that security and health insurance would be taken care of for all of us. We'll make whatever work."

"That would mean you giving up the BAU, too. I don't want to do that to you. I know you love it the few hours a week you're there."

"I do love it, but when I first came back from London, it was important because I still wanted to feel connected to the team. I really don't think staying connected with that bunch is going to be a problem, do you? Most of them practically live at our house. I'm actually surprised JJ isn't here stalking us right now."

Derek laughed again and stopped walking. He pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her and she rested her cheek against his chest. She felt the vibrations of his voice as he talked. "Just the baseboards in the living room left to do. They're already measured, painted and cut, out in the shed. It shouldn't take us long at all."

Emily's heart started that fast thrumming again. "And then?"

He exhaled a deep breath. "And then I'll take you out to dinner for your birthday, and we'll give the lights one last chance to make an appearance tonight, and tomorrow we'll go home."

Emily squeezed her arms around him and started laughing and crying at the same time. He was coming home. Of all of the times she felt she'd accomplished something miraculous, she realized in that moment she didn't even know what a miracle was before.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emily called JJ while Derek was getting the baseboards from the shed.

"Em?" JJ asked, her voice hopeful.

"We're coming home. Tomorrow we're coming home."

And JJ laughed and cried at the news, too.

"How is he?" she asked.

"Good. It's still going to be a long road, but he's ready to walk that path with us instead of on his own."

"I still can't believe you found him, Emily."

"I actually can," Emily said with a quiet laugh. "Where's Serena?"

"Spencer and Penelope took her and Henry out to breakfast early and then he's driving them to the middle of nowhere for some supposedly amazing pumpkin patch. You know how he is about Halloween. Caleb's with Fran at your house. She's taking him to the zoo today. We've been trying to keep them busy."

Emily smiled at the thought of their beautiful children and Fran and what it was going to be like when they saw Derek.

"Can you do me a favor JJ? Can you look up some flights for us? We can make the drive to Glasgow if that's easier than getting a flight out of Heathrow via Aberdeen. I don't care how we get home, but it's hard to research on my phone."

"I'm on it. I'm so happy, Emily! I'll be in touch!"

Derek came into the living room a few minutes later and smiled at Emily. "JJ's finding us a flight?"

"Yes." Emily was quiet for a minute, thinking. She didn't want to overwhelm Derek before he got on that plane home. Caleb, who didn't have a totally clear grasp of time yet, would probably be better just seeing Derek than getting a call and having to figure out how to wait until tomorrow. But Emily had a promise to keep and it was important. "I know calling people probably feels more overwhelming than seeing them, because you won't be able to communicate with anything besides your voice and that can be hard. JJ will spread the word to your mom and Caleb. But do you think you'd be up for calling Serena with me?"

Derek took a deep breath. "Yes. But let's wait until we know about a flight so we can tell her a time for sure."

He walked over to the side table and put his wedding ring back on, "I almost always wear it, you know. I just take it off when I'm painting."

She smiled brightly at him, "It still is the best love story ever."

Tears brimmed in his eyes. "I know," he whispered.

Emily's phone beeped with the sound of an incoming text message. She looked at the screen and laughed through tears. It was from Hotch.

"The jet will be in Aberdeen at noon tomorrow to bring you home, my friends."

She turned the screen around so Derek could see the message and Derek laughed through his tears as well. "One last flight on that plane," he said.

"Together. We'll be home by 4:00 local time at the latest." She passed Derek her phone and said, "Serena's with Penelope and Spencer."

His fingers trembled as he took the phone and sat next to her on the bed. But before he could dial, the phone started ringing. "Penelope Garcia," read the caller ID.

Derek hit the answer button and put the phone on speaker.

"Mommy?" came Serena's voice on the line.

"Serena," sighed Derek, a happy smile and fresh tears in his eyes.

"Daddy! I knew she'd find you. You love each other too much for her not to have found you. JJ called Penelope and said you were coming home. I knew you'd come home. I knew it. You just needed help. And we'll keep helping you, Daddy. We will. And one day you won't be sad anymore at all. I know that, too. Daddy...My Daddy. You're coming home," Serena happily cried through the speaker.

Derek let a few breaths in an out trying to control his tears and ragged breathing. "Serena," he finally managed, "I love you. Your drawings were unbelievable. I can't wait to put them in frames and hang them in the house to remind me to choose to remember the important things."

"They're all I see when I think of you, Daddy," said Serena in a serious whisper, making Emily feel like Serena understood the scope of all of this far more than Emily had hoped. But she also still sounded like their little girl.

Derek trembled slightly at Serena's statement, but recovered quickly, "We'll start making more memories tomorrow, Serena."

"Penelope and Spencer are both crying and smiling, and Henry is smiling. We can't wait until you get home."

"Tomorrow around four o'clock. I'll be there."

"Mommy? Are you there?" asked Serena.

"I'm here, my sweet girl," said Emily while wiping away her tears.

Serena laughed happily again. "Happy Birthday, Mommy. I knew you could do it. I told you. Your love is worth more than a million stars."

"Did you know, Serena, that I used to ask your Daddy where in the world he came from because the things he did for me were so magnificent. And now I want to ask the same of you because you're unbelievably magnificent, too?"

"We're all magnificent, Mommy. But we're best when we're together. I can't wait until tomorrow."

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	13. Chapter 13

Emily spent time watching Derek while she puttied the small holes over the finishing nails in the baseboard. He was efficient, the cuts on the baseboard where perfect, and he seemed to be enjoying himself. He got to the end of the last strip and reached over to turn off the air compressor he'd rented from the small hardware store in town. He smiled when he noticed Emily staring at him.

"You could do this for a job," she said.

"I know. I do enjoy it, but I'm not sure it would be fulfilling if that's all I did."

Emily shrugged with a smile, "Maybe we could think about ways you could make it fulfilling."

He nodded and smiled back, "I'll think about it. I'm going to run this air compressor back to the store before it closes so we don't have to think about it in the morning." He stood up and grabbed the keys to Emily's rental car.

"Hey, Derek? How did you get around before?"

"Walked or ran. The hardware stored delivered the things I couldn't carry home myself." He paused in the doorway. "Em? I know I'm going to need to talk to someone when I get home, besides you. But for now I was thinking we could finish this up, and then I would love to have an evening where we tried to be us without talking about anything heavy. Maybe a night with more laughter than tears."

Her smile was dazzling. "Absolutely."

Emily finished the puttying and started in on the small bits of touch-up paint, only leaving one last strip where the putty wasn't dry. They could do that in the morning. She grabbed a change of clothes from her bag and headed to the bathroom for a shower, smiling and looking forward to their evening. She'd held herself back from cheating and looking at her phone, but she had a pretty good feeling about lights in the sky tonight. She was so happy they were going home together she was pretty certain she could put on her own light show in the sky if Aurora Borealis didn't make an appearance.

She was startled from her happy thoughts when Derek came in the bathroom. He looked at her appreciatively through the glass shower door, took off his t-shirt and started shaving, just like he had hundreds of times over the years. And Emily thought about all of the hurt and sadness over the past couple of months and realized this probably went how it all needed to go, even though it both despaired and angered her at the time, that he'd run from her. She imagined all of the tension and anger and sadness in their home around the kids, and she doubted they would have been at this place two months later if Derek had stayed. They would have gotten here eventually, but there would likely have been even higher emotional costs to pay for it all.

Derek was trying for normal right now and she knew he didn't want to go home feeling like they were walking on eggshells around each other. So Emily gave him normal. She turned off the water and reached for a towel, dried herself and wrapped the towel around her. She stepped out on the mat and reached for her brush on the counter.

"Where are we eating?"

"The pub a little ways down the street. It's really the only place I know. The food's good and it's comfortable."

Emily smirked, "I think I know the owner. He was the one who told me where to find you when I got to town."

Derek shook his head at her, laughing lightly, "I still can't believe you came here because of a dream, with no calls and no confirmation that I was here."

"I didn't have a doubt," she told him seriously.

"I would have called you soon. I wasn't going to make it much longer. But you probably still would have had to come get me. Your way was far more amazing," he said with a grin. He reached his hand up and placed it behind her neck, drawing her in for a kiss. And with nerves she tried very much to hide, and with hope, she placed her hands on his chest, really touching his skin for the first time in almost two months.

Derek pulled away from her lips after a minute and pressed a kiss on her forehead. He walked to the shower and started the water again. And then she saw just a little bit of a hesitation, but he shook it off. He undid the button on his jeans and pushed his remaining clothes off him, stepping in the shower without meeting her eye at first, but giving her a look through the glass door a second later, assessing her, worried. Emily realized he was still concerned that she saw him differently now.

She dropped her towel and walked to the shower door, letting herself in. His eyes were wide and she smiled softly and stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him and placing a kiss on his chest, right over his heart. He was breathing heavy and his heart was hammering under his skin; when she looked in his eyes, she knew it wasn't that he was being transported back to that cave, it was that he was very much afraid she was in her mind. The sparkle was still there, but shame and worry were right under the surface.

Emily reached her hand up and touched his cheek. "I'm right here with you, in this moment."

She reached and grabbed the soap, lathering up her hands and slowly started washing his body, the body she knew every inch of and loved completely. She made sure to continually catch his eye so he could see that she was still looking at him the same as she always did. And she caught the moment on his face when he actually started believing it, and she smiled at him.

He gathered her in his arms and pulled her against him tightly. "I love you, Em." And then his lips were on hers and his hands started making a slow paths across her skin. When he cupped her breasts in his hands and ran his thumbs over her nipples, Emily moaned softly in his mouth. He stopped the kiss and looked at her face and she could see surprise there, that she was still reacting to him like this.

Derek reached behind him and turned off the water before opening the shower door. He kept her gathered close, kissing her face and neck and slowly walking their dripping wet bodies out of the bathroom and towards the bed. Emily's legs hit the back of the bed, she sat, scooting back, keeping her arm around him and pulling him down on top of her. She sighed in contentment when his body was fully pressed against hers. She could feel him trembling slightly. She linked her fingers with his, bringing their arms up so he could still rest on his on his elbows. She wanted them fully linked, but wanted him to still have the leverage to look in her eyes. Emily adjusted her hips and legs. He was just looking at her, unsure.

"Just keep your eyes on mine, Derek. You'll see everything you need to see."

Never breaking eye contact, he slowly pushed inside her. As they moved together, she conjured up that first time of them together and played a chronological movie in her head of every beautiful memory she had with this man, so he could see it playing out in her eyes. She saw him watching her for several minutes as he slowly moved his hips, saw his eyes brim with tears. They weren't sad tears, they were tears of amazement and relief and joy. Emily let go of his fingers and moved her hands to cup his cheeks, brushing the tears away with her thumbs. He smiled at her and turned his head to kiss the inside of her palm, and then his lips were on hers again and he moved his hand to her thigh to hitch her leg up higher and started moving faster. And Emily was flying, pressing her hands against his back tightly, shaking around him, moaning out her release in his mouth.

He pulled his lips from hers and looked into her eyes again, in awe. But as he continued to move, Emily knew this wasn't a situation where he was trying to hang on in order to drive her crazy. He seemed stuck right on the edge, like he couldn't quite allow himself this.

"Baby, let go. I'm here," she whispered.

He moved his arms under her shoulders and squeezed her tightly to him, burying his head in her neck. She whispered, "I am so in love with you, Derek Morgan," in his ear and he let go, moaning softly, gripping her against him.

Emily kept her legs wrapped around his so he knew she didn't want him to move yet. He relaxed on top of her and she ran her hands slowly up and down his back, a smile on her face.

Derek lifted his head to look at her and returned the smile. Then he let out a quiet, joyful laugh. "Where on earth did you come from?"

She laughed as well, feeling whole herself for the first time in what felt like forever.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The pub owner's name was Brian, and he came right over to their table as soon as he saw them, looking happily at both Derek and Emily. "It's good to see you, Sky Man. And it's brilliant to see this lovely lady with you."

Derek grinned and stuck his hand out, "My real name is Derek, and this is my wife Emily."

Brian shook hands with both of them and then looked at Emily, "I figured, because of your wedding ring and the look in your eyes. I've been in this place for thirty years and have had people come looking for someone from time to time, but I always didn't want to get into the business of others. You were different." He winked at her. "You got here just in time, I think."

Brian turned towards Derek, "G4 solar storm, an eight on the KP index. Should be a show in the sky tonight like we haven't seen around these parts in awhile."

Derek and Emily grinned excitedly at each other and Brian gave Derek a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Order what you'd like. It's on the house."

They enjoyed their meal and beers and Brian came around the table from time to time to talk to them. He told them funny stories about his life owning a pub and they laughed a lot. He learned they lived in Virginia and would be heading home tomorrow. Brian told Derek to drop the house keys with him and he'd see they got to the family who owned the place.

They got back to the cottage around ten o'clock and Derek threw open the french doors and said, "You up for a little heavy lifting?"

Emily laughed and helped him carry the twin bed outside, settling it on a large flat rock near the edge of the bluff. Derek ran back inside to turn all the lights off and then returned. They kicked their shoes off and Emily settled herself under the covers, laying on her side, facing north. Derek spooned up right behind her and pulled the covers tightly around them, then reached his hand under her t-shirt and sweater, settling his hand on the skin of her stomach. It felt like it was just the two of them in the world, with the crashing ocean beneath them and the sky all around.

They didn't have to wait long before the lights started dancing in the skies, sweeping arches and flowing movements that went on and on. Emily had happy tears in her eyes, and she new Derek did, too. They didn't talk, but every few seconds, Derek would press a kiss to her cheek. After about ten minutes of watching, Emily turned in Derek's arms and looked at his face, his hand propped up on his elbows.

"Don't you want to watch anymore?" he asked.

"Watching your face watching those lights is a better show," she replied with a smile.

"Still not the most amazing sight around, though," he grinned, remember that conversation from so many years before.

"How about we call it a tie?"

Derek chuckled, "Deal."

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The next morning, they awoke early and Emily took the bedding and towels into the laundromat in town. They belonged to the owners of the house who set Derek up with the bed and a few things in the kitchen when he started working for them. Derek stayed at the house, putting on the last touches of paint, putting tools away in the shed and cleaning up.

When Emily returned, she found her bag next to the door, his clothes stuffed inside it as well, and the house clean and ready to go. Derek had moved the bed back to one of the bedrooms and was staring our the french doors at another clear day. She set the bag of clean linens down.

"Hey, Em," he said, turning towards her with a grin on his face. "I bought this in Aberdeen before I took the bus up here that first day."

He tossed something at her in a high, gentle arch and she caught it. A labradorite stone. She looked back up at him with bright eyes.

"You pretty much outdid yourself with this one, my brave warrior," said Derek.

He stepped towards her, wrapped his arm around her waist and bent his head to give her a quick kiss. "Let's go home, Em."


	14. Chapter 14

_Author's note: It's a short chapter. I didn't want to tack on more at the end of this one. There's more to come, but I wanted this piece to stand alone. :)_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXX_

The drive out of Fraserburgh was quiet at first. Derek stared out the windows, silently saying goodbye to the place that had safely cocooned him for the past several weeks. Emily drove, kept one hand linked with his and let him contemplate. Once they were well on their way to Aberdeen, he turned towards her and said, "We acquire the strength we have overcome."

Emily gave him a half smile, "Oscar Wilde. He also said, 'To have become a deeper man is the privilege of those who have suffered.'"

Derek thought for a bit, getting into the quote game they occasionally played since they now read so much and so often trying to keep up with Serena. "Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them..."

Emily picked up the sentence, "The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us. Voltaire."

"Damn. I thought I might have had you on that one," laughed Derek.

Emily chuckled. "What are you really thinking about, Derek?"

He squeezed her hand and said, "I'm thinking about where you and I have been, and with each tragedy the two of us only ever got better. I can't imagine anything better than what we had before, but I couldn't imagine that several times in the past, and we only ever topped ourselves. I'm wondering if that's going to happen this time and what that could possibly look like."

She squeezed his hand back and responded, "Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tunes without words and never stops at all."

Derek smiled. "True. And Emily Dickinson."

"Impressive, Derek."

"I'm not willing to accept that I have an eight year old who can out-read me. My only choice is to try and keep up, even if it means girly poems."

Emily laughed. "You like them, admit it."

"Fine. I like them," Derek said with a laugh as well.

Emily couldn't contain her smile. He was just so _there_ with her. She couldn't have imagined that just a few days before.

But as they approached Aberdeen, she could see him becoming nervous. Derek encountered his first hurdle once he got on the jet. The two pilots who knew him well came to shake his hand and welcome him back, and Derek saw in them the concerned glances and froze a bit. He acted relatively normal, but Emily could see it was hard on him, a bit of shame showing under the surface.

Emily and Derek had joked the night before about finally having the opportunity to join the mile-high club on the jet, but in the end, though the pilots couldn't leave the cockpit and they were totally alone, the joking and lightheartedness had left Derek; the reality of what he was about to face and overcome loomed. In the end they did something they'd longed to have the opportunity to do hundreds of times on that plane after a difficult case, back when they were hiding their relationship from everyone: They held each other.

They napped some of the time, but any time Derek woke, he'd check his watch and calculate how long remained on the flight. He was excited about seeing Serena and Caleb; he was nervous and uncomfortable about the idea of seeing anyone else. He spent a lot of time on that flight just gently touching Emily's face, trying to absorb from her some strength and calm.

"How are you so relaxed?" he asked.

"Because I know this is going to be hard for you for awhile, but for the same reason I found you without a doubt, I know without a doubt that we are going to be even better than we were before. It's what we do. I'm right there beside you, always."

When they were beginning their descent towards Turner Field, Emily whispered in Derek's ear, "Remember the good memories you have of the people you care about. Those are the people who are only going to be thinking good memories about you when they see you. If you don't have memorable moments with a person, ignore any looks they may throw your way. We're going home to our family, Derek. They all love you, and that's all they'll be thinking about. They're the only people who deserve your energy, OK?"

He nodded, but she could see him struggling, and Emily was worried a bit. She hadn't really planned on what would happen when they got off this plane; she'd only been focused on him and getting home. She'd taken a cab to Dulles a few days before and her car was at the house. She knew Hotch would have taken care of their ride, but she didn't know what that looked like. But, they needn't have worried about that first encounter at all. When the plane came to a stop, Emily squeezed Derek's hand in reassurance before standing. The stairs opened, and they heard an unmistakable sound of single footsteps on them.

JJ's smile was huge, and Emily could see she was holding back tears. But it was JJ, and she was totally in her element. She gave Emily a hug and then looked at Derek. With tears brimming in her eyes, she smiled and lifted her chin at him in acknowledgement. "Way to make Emily go all 1-800-PSYCHIC on us, my friend." She held out her hand for a fist bump and Derek laughed and pulled her into a brief hug.

"It's so good to see you, Derek," she said quietly.

"It's really good to see you, too, Jayje. You're our ride?"

"I drew the short straw," she said with a wink, and Derek laughed again.

Emily stood there and watched and laughed and smiled. If Derek thought she outdid herself in certain circumstances, JJ was an easy tie in that regard.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek sat in the passenger seat and Emily selected the middle seat in the second row. They kept their hands connected on the drive, and JJ turned the lights on to speed up their journey home. "I secretly think Hotch knows how much and how often I enjoy these lights when I shouldn't be using them," JJ said.

They sped home. Derek told JJ about Aurora Borealis and the show that happened the night before. Emily was ecstatically happy that he was talking normally with JJ, but she reminded herself that JJ was probably the easiest one. Still, it gave her more confidence that this would all be okay eventually. When they took the exit off the freeway towards their home, Emily's heart started pounding. She couldn't wait to see Serena and Caleb, but mostly she couldn't wait to see Derek with Serena and Caleb.

JJ pulled onto their street and said, "Looks like someone left the lights on for you."

And though it was not even dusk, the glowing light was visible. More than a dozen pumpkins on the railing of their front porch, with heart-shapes cut into them and candles inside. Emily saw Serena's face in the front window, and when Derek and Emily got out of the car, their front door opened. A streak of their daughter shot down the front steps, across the yard and jumped into Derek's arms.

Serena was laughing and crying and so was Derek. Serena kept repeating, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. I love you. My daddy." She was touching his face and looking in his eyes and resting her head on his shoulder and repeating the process again.

Caleb's pace to Derek was slower, and Emily saw Fran standing on the front steps as Caleb made his way to Derek. Derek bent to scoop Caleb in his arms so he was holding both of their children and Caleb exclaimed, "You're home, Daddy! We waited and waited! We made a cake for Mommy! Daddy! You're here! Nena, Daddy's here!" And Derek's smile could have lit up the nights forever.

Emily wiped her tears and stepped in front of all of them, wrapping her arms around them. And then Caleb and Serena's hands were on her, too. It was all a blur, too much to totally take in, but Emily was aware when Serena bent her body in Derek's arms to rest her forehead against hers and whisper, "You did it, Mommy."

Emily noticed a sobbing JJ driving away while wiping her cheeks. She saw a glimpse of Judy standing in her front window across the street smiling and wiping her own tears. And then there was Fran. She waited patiently on the front steps, and Derek started walking towards their home, holding Caleb and Serena, Emily's hand now on his back.

"Mom," he whispered when he got to the top of the stairs. And Fran's arms were around them all, pulling Emily back into the hug. They could have forged a river of happy tears, all of them together.


	15. Chapter 15

That evening was unlike any other Emily had spent with Derek; they'd had their very memorable and joyful moments over the years, but they paled in comparison to all of the pure joy that filled their home that night. Though Emily knew Derek still felt some guilt when it came to the kids and his leaving, the unending exuberance of Caleb and Serena of just having him home helped him forget that.

Derek set the kids down on the front porch and quickly wiped his eyes on his shirt sleeve. He held Serena's and Caleb's hands as they walked in the front door, Fran, with her arm around Emily's waist, following right behind them. Serena's face was radiant and she couldn't stop looking up at Derek and smiling.

"Come see the cake!" Caleb excitedly said. Emily, Fran and Derek laughed. Caleb was three and he was in the moment. His Daddy was home, and there was cake.

Fran had indeed helped the kids bake a birthday cake for Emily, "Happy Birthday Mommy," written in white frosting on the top. There was also the unmistakable smell of Fran's chili cooking on the stove top.

"You know what I think?" asked Derek. Both Caleb and Serena looked at him with wide eyes as he continued, "I think Mommy's birthday was yesterday and we've waited long enough. I think we should do dessert first, then dinner."

Serena giggled and said, "Yes!"

Caleb looked at Derek in wonder, "Cake first?" Then he looked at Emily wanting confirmation that this was even possible.

Emily, who was still having trouble containing her tears, laughed and nodded at Caleb. "Cake first. Sounds great to me!"

Fran, who hadn't said a word at all yet and seemed content to just take all of this in, brought the cake and some candles to the kitchen table. Emily took a seat while Fran put several candles in the cake, and Caleb and Serena drew themselves away from Derek and to Emily's lap. Derek stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders.

Fran lit the candles and Emily said, "For my birthday, and Daddy's welcome home, and Caleb's birthday and Serena's adoption day, and Nana, who has been amazing these past couple of months. Let's blow these out together." And with happy wishes in their hearts, the Morgan family blew out the candles together.

Serena kissed Emily's cheek and said, "I have a present. I'll be right back!"

They heard her feet on the stairs and she was back down in a flash, with a rolled piece of thick parchment in her hand. "It's for you and Daddy. For your birthday, Mommy, and for Daddy coming home. JJ told me about why you thought Daddy was in Scotland, and I thought it would be a pretty picture, to always remember."

Serena handed the rolled parchment to Emily, who stood and spread it open, Derek right beside her. And their eyes filled with tears again. On a large sheet of paper, Serena had drawn the picture of Emily and Derek on the dance floor taken so many years ago, but she'd taken out the bar in the background. Instead, they were dancing, floating, in the night sky, with the swirling, amazing colors of Aurora Borealis behind them. It was the most breathtaking piece of artwork they'd ever seen. Serena had managed to capture the feelings between the two of them that even the camera couldn't contain in that moment.

Derek turned to lift Serena up in his arms again and she rested her head on his shoulder. Emily wrapped her arms around both of them and Derek whispered, "Thank you, Serena. It's a beautiful picture. I shouldn't have left like I did and I'm sorry."

Serena reached her hand up, placed it gently on Derek's cheek and whispered, "It's okay, Daddy. I still felt your love even when you were gone. You're home now and that's all that matters."

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After the cake, Derek and Serena built train tracks with Caleb while Emily and Fran stayed in the kitchen, cleaning the cake plates and finishing preparing dinner, happily listening to the voices coming from the living room.

"How is he really?" asked Fran quietly.

Emily put her hand on Fran's back. "Right now, what you're seeing is how he is. Ecstatic. I don't think he believed he could ever come home to this after he left like he did, which was why he stayed away so long. He still has things to talk about and work through, and seeing people besides you and JJ is going to be hard for awhile, but he's here and he loves his family and he's staying."

Fran turned to give Emily a hug, then stepped back to look at her. "How did you get him home?"

"He got himself home because I was the same as I always was with him."

Fran laughed quietly and shook her head.

"What?" asked Emily.

"You make what you did sound so simplistic, when in reality it's what writers for centuries have dreamed their heroines could be."

Emily smiled. "Maybe those writers didn't know what love really was. We do. Derek just needed to be reminded."

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Fran left for home shortly after dinner with hugs and kisses for all and a smile on her face. It was a dinner where neither Caleb or Serena could quite contain themselves long enough to stay seated. In the end, Derek ended up sharing his food with Caleb, who sat on his lap. Serena brought her chair right next to Derek's and ate her dinner there.

Derek gave Caleb his bath that night, both of their voices and laughter ringing through the house. Serena leaned into Emily in the reading nook, smiles on both of their faces, while they listened.

Emily gave Serena a squeeze and said, "My sweet girl, sometimes we can't make sense of this world. But I know that really good things can come from really bad things. I've seen it over and over again. And your Daddy and I have lived it several times. I still can't make sense of what happened to Daddy and I wish it away every single day, but I know good things are going to come. And you helped so much with your pictures. They helped bring Daddy home, Serena. You have a wonderful, pure heart. We're lucky to have you in our lives to share your heart with us."

Serena twisted her body to sit on Emily's lap, facing her, leaning her forehead against Emily's. "I think the same thing about you, Mommy."

And that night, when Caleb had fallen asleep after several books were read to him by his real-life Daddy, Emily watched Derek look at the bookshelves in the reading nook. He selected a well-read, lavender-covered book. He went into Serena's room and asked, "Have you read this one, yet?"

"No," replied Serena, "It wasn't on my shelves yet. Mommy said maybe when I was nine or ten."

Serena was right, it wasn't on her shelves yet, the ones where Derek and Emily moved books that she could choose from freely. It wasn't there because they didn't feel quite ready to explain rape to an eight year old. But it was rather a moot issue now.

"Well," Emily heard Derek say, "I'm going to move it on there because I think you'll love the story and I want to read it with you. Did you know when Mommy was living in London and I was living here, we read this book to each other over the computer? It's a very special book. It's why there are mockingbirds on Caleb's wall. And it's why that picture you made a drawing of means so much to us."

At first it was all Emily could do to slide down against the wall outside Serena's bedroom, with tears and a smile on her face, and listen to the sound of Derek's voice reading _To Kill a Mockingbird _again. She had read and heard it so much, she could practically recite it word-for-word with him. But as he delved deeper into the story, she wiped her tears and stood and walked into Serena's room, too.

Derek was laying in bed next to Serena, who had her head on his shoulder. Emily squeezed herself in next to Serena, wrapping her arms around both of them, and Derek smiled at her and continued to read. Serena closed her eyes, not sleeping, just listening, with a content smile on her face. After several chapters, Derek closed the book for the night.

"More tomorrow, my sweet Serena," he said before pressing a gentle kiss to Serena's forehead.

Serena smiled at him with sleepy eyes. "OK. I love the story. You're home."

"I am. And I love you."

"I love you, too, Daddy."

Emily kissed Serena's cheek and tucked her in. She and Derek left the bedroom together and as soon as they were in the landing of their upstairs, Derek wrapped Emily in a tight hug and whispered, "I'm still sorry, but I don't think I would have remembered it all as well if I hadn't left first."

"No apologies, Derek. And, I know."

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_Author's note: Still more. I gotta get that sweet man a job. ;-)_


	16. Chapter 16

That first week Derek was home was a series of trial by fire meetings of all of the important people in their lives. He was determined to face everything he feared facing, the encounters that he worried would embarrass or humiliate him, and come out standing tall on the other side.

They kept Serena home from school that Tuesday, just to spend time together as a family and start putting their lives back together. That morning, Caleb and Serena were still both deliriously happy that Derek was just home. He played with them while Emily sat at the kitchen counter drinking coffee and thinking about the matter of Derek's car; there was no insurance contingency for giving one's car away to criminals for parts in exchange for a new identity. In the end, she opened her laptop, got online, transferred the money still owed on the car out of their savings account and into their checking, and then made an online payment for the balance in full. Derek came in the kitchen at that point and saw what she was doing. He put his hands gently on her shoulders, sighing deeply.

"I'm sorry, Em," he said quietly.

Emily stood from her chair and kissed him. "I'm going to get a squirt bottle and use it on you every time you say you're sorry," she said with a smirk. "It's done, Derek. Let's jut let it go. Besides, we both like car shopping."

He laughed quietly and shook his head at her. Then he looked over his shoulder to make sure Serena and Caleb were still in the living room before wrapping his arms around Emily and giving her a long kiss that sent her heart racing.

"Or you could do that every time you say you're sorry," she whispered once he released her and she caught her breath.

Derek chuckled, "That works for me." He reached for his phone on the counter. "I've thought about it and I can't see the team all at once. I'm going to text Hotch and invite him to stop by this evening. I want to thank him for the plane. He's going to be the hardest one of all of them to see, and he's going to know right away that I'm not planning to come back. He probably already knows. I want that out in the open as soon as possible so I feel like I can move forward."

Emily once again noticed that look on Derek's face; confidence on the surface, and shame and embarrassment just underneath that. She put a reassuring arm around him while he sent the text. Hotch responded within a few seconds saying he'd be there.

That morning they went to an art store and purchased frames for Serena's pictures. They spent some time hanging the ones from the sketchbook in the hallway upstairs, and they put the larger picture of Emily and Derek and Aurora Borealis in the bedroom on the wall by the door, so they could always remember.

That afternoon, they went for a walk as a family to the park near their house and on the way back, they saw Judy in her front yard.

"Judy!" Caleb exclaimed. "Daddy's here!"

Judy smiled warmly and walked across the street towards them. Emily reached out and took Derek's hand, giving it a squeeze.

"It's good to see you, Derek. Welcome home," Judy said in her usual, kind voice.

Derek smiled at her, "It's good to be home."

Judy nodded and bent down to pick Caleb up and give him a hug.

"We'll start back to our regular routine with the kids tomorrow if that's okay," said Emily.

"Did you hear that, Caleb? I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning!" said Judy with a smile. She set Caleb down, gave Emily a pat on the arm and smiled again at Derek. "I'm glad you're home. I better get inside and help the kids with the daily homework grind. See you tomorrow!"

Derek exhaled deeply when she walked away. Emily saw Serena, who had quietly watched the whole exchange, come to understand that that simple exchange had been difficult for Derek. She reached out and took his other hand.

"Do you remember that one day last fall when you picked me up from school and we came home and found Judy and Caleb in her front yard, jumping in piles of leaves and we ran across the street and joined them?" Serena asked.

Derek smiled at Serena, "Yes, I do."

"Do you remember when I was five and playing with Ella at the pool and we wanted you to pretend to be mermaids with us and you did? And Mommy and Judy couldn't stop giggling."

Derek chuckled, "I remember that."

"Judy remembers all of that, too, Daddy."

And with that, Derek was grounded back into the present, and Emily was left once again to marvel at Serena's uncanny ability to read a situation and say or do exactly the right thing.

They had a nice dinner together that evening and Derek tried to stay focused on the present as he helped put the kids to bed, instead of worrying about seeing Hotch, who said he'd be by around 8:30. They'd talked about this a few times over the past couple of days, how for the people who knew the whole story, he felt like they'd only be thinking about how he looked when they found him in that cave and the details of the crime scene report, which made those details come to the forefront of his mind. JJ didn't make him feel like that as much as he feared the male members of the team would.

By 8:20, Derek was sitting on the couch, looking paranoid and like he was on the verge of tears. Emily bent in front of him and gently took his face in her hands. She pressed soft kisses on his face and lips. "Derek," she whispered, "He's one of your closest friends. I promise you all he's going to be thinking about when he gets here is how good it is to see you. Trust him."

When Derek opened the door to Hotch's knock, there was a brief moment of silence between the two men before Hotch walked into the house. And Derek, because he just needed to get it out, said, "I'm not coming back to work."

Emily blinked back tears at the abruptness and reality of those words. And Hotch, wonderful Hotch, gave Derek a brief, firm hug before he stepped back to face Derek. "I know. I understand. We can take care of the official paperwork whenever you're ready. It's just good to see you. Have any beer? There's a baseball game on."

Derek smiled at him and nodded. It was an exchange that lasted less than a minute, but Emily could actually see a massive amount of stress lifting from Derek's shoulders in the look on his face and the way he held his body.

"Want a beer, Em?" he asked as he walked towards the kitchen.

"Sure."

When Derek was out of view, Hotch looked at Emily and she could see him holding back tears, too, at losing his colleague, at the whole awful situation.

"Are _you_ coming back for your ten hours a week?" he asked Emily quietly.

"I don't know. I'm not sure I can make it work. It depends what Derek ends up wanting to do," she said.

Hotch nodded and they both quickly gathered themselves before Derek returned to the room, handing out beers.

During the game, Hotch and Derek talked more, getting out sentences and taking ample breaks between. It wasn't awkward or embarrassing for Derek, she could see that on his face. It was just heavy. But he and Hotch moved through the things they both needed to say. Derek thanked him for sending the plane, he apologized for yelling at Hotch that night back in August. Hotch apologized for what he felt was an epic fuck up on his part, letting Derek go into that basement room in the first place. They quieted for quite a bit after that and then they started talking about some of their better cases together. And finally, they laughed together.

Emily just sat back and took it in with a smile on her face and relief in her heart. She knew Derek would never leave again, but she had been fearful that a bad interaction could send Derek spiraling into depression. She needed to remember to trust the team, too. And Derek himself, who seemed to be gaining more internal strength each day.

When Hotch left that night, Derek turned off the lights downstairs. He took Emily's hand and guided her up the stairs and into their bedroom. As soon as she stepped into the room, he reached behind her and pushed the door closed, flipping the lock on the door. He backed her up so she was leaning against the door.

"Booyah. That's what you called it on that video on your computer," she said with a grin.

Derek smiled, "I think I said, 'I'm sorry,' twice tonight, even though it wasn't directed at you. You didn't squirt me with a squirt bottle, so I'm thinking you've agreed to the rule that I have to kiss you like crazy after apologizing?"

"Definitely," she breathed out.

His lips were on her and he tasted like beer and happiness. There was nothing tentative about this, nothing questioning. His three biggest hurdles had been overcome; she still looked at him the same as always, the kids were just happy he was home and didn't seem to have any lasting effects from his absence, and he'd told Hotch he was leaving the FBI. In his kisses and the way his hands moved confidently over her body, she felt hopefulness radiating from within him.

He quickly pulled her shirt over her head, then he took care of his own. He unhooked her bra and slid it off her body. He pressed himself against her, pressing her back into the bedroom door. He linked his fingers with hers and brought her arms up above her head, leaving his left hand linked with her fingers and keeping her arms in place and sliding his right hand down her arm, tickling the side of her breast before coming to a rest on her waist.

"Now, don't you go making a lot of noise and wake up the kids, Em."

She nodded and his lips were on hers again briefly before kissing a blazing path over to her ear and down her neck. He used his free hand to lift her breast. and bent his head lick her nipple. She whimpered and tried to pull her arms down, wanting to touch him, too. She could feel him smile against her skin and for a moment, she was shocked into the reality that this was totally, completely Derek. She didn't think she'd get this back so soon, and the fact that she had increased her level of excitement exponentially. She stopped trying to pull her arms down and let him drive her crazy with his lips and tongue, all the while trying to contain the volume of the sounds coming from her.

After another minute of pure, delicious torture, her knees actually gave a bit. Derek stood up straight again and put his arm around her waist, lifting her to standing again. He looked at her face, at her eyes and the flush in her cheeks and chest and her heavy breathing, and he gave her a satisfied smile. She couldn't believe she was at this stage of the game and they both still had their pants on. It was going to be very hard to keep going and stay quiet.

He kissed her again and reached his hand to quickly release the button and zipper on her jeans. Then, before she could take a breath or even contemplate a way to gain a bit of an upper hand or composure, his fingers were under the waistband of her underwear and touching her. He swallowed her rather loud moan with his mouth and she felt like she was going to burn up from his touch. He knew her so well, knew exactly how to touch her; she was so close anyway. He released her arms so he could use his other hand to keep her standing and reveled in the look on her face as she gripped his back tightly and quietly moaned and sighed out yeses and started to shake around him. Derek moved his hand from around her waist and brought it up to her lips, to remind her to watch the volume, as he watched her completely fall apart.

When she stilled, he pressed gently kisses to her forehead while she stood there trying to catch her breath and control her racing heartbeat.

"I love you, Emily," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she replied with her eyes still closed. She grinned and opened her eyes to catch his. "My turn."

Emily quickly kicked off her own pants before stripping Derek of his. He was just as excited as she was. She pushed him back towards the bed until he flopped backwards, scooting back a bit towards the pillows. Emily crawled over his body and Derek grabbed her hips, trying to get her in the position he wanted. But she removed his hands from her hips and kissed him. "My turn," she repeated.

She kissed a quick path down his body and took him in her mouth. He hissed and loosely wound his fingers in her hair. She moved slowly, not wanting this to be over too soon, but still it wasn't long before Derek was whimpering, "Em," tugging on her head lightly, trying to make her stop. She debated for a fraction of a second. A part of her wanted to just keep going, but a larger part of her wanted to see his face, to do this from start to finish with their eyes on each other, with just passion and no tears.

Emily released him and moved back up his body, straddling him, adjusting herself and sinking down on him as they both moaned quietly. His eyes were on hers, and he grabbed her hips to keep her still for a few seconds, trying to regain some control. He took a deep breath and gave her a grin, nodding his head and releasing her hips, moving them to her breasts instead. Emily started moving and she wasn't slow about it now. She was right back on the verge of orgasm herself in an instant, just seeing that genuine Derek look on his face. She could see him trying to hold back, in that mindset of wanting to drive her crazy. She leaned forward and placed her hands on his chest. "Together," she whispered.

He looked at her and nodded and let go; Emily toppled over the edge with him, finding his lips and trying to muffle the noises they were each making. She collapsed on him, scooting back a bit to rest her head on his chest and listen to his frantically beating heart. It wasn't long until she felt and heard him laughing quietly.

"What?" she asked.

"I'm just happy, Em," he replied while running his hands gently through her hair.

* * *

><p>On Wednesday, Derek went with Emily to drop Serena off at school, tackling another hurdle. He wanted to see her classroom and meet her teacher, something he'd missed at the beginning of the school year. There was a large crowd of parents with concerned and curious stares tossed his way. But Michelle Stone was there, too, and she struck a nice balance to things. She was happy to see Derek, and he knew her well. She didn't shy away from asking him where he'd been, and Emily and Derek quickly understood it wasn't because she was trying to pry; she was trying to keep a quiet conversation going. Michelle placed her body between the other parents and Derek and blocked most of their stares from his eyes. She drew out of him stories about Fraserburgh and Aurora Borealis and the longer they kept up a normal conversation, the more people lost interest. These were kind people at Serena's school. But they were people who read the paper, and then saw Derek completely absent and assumed the worst. His normal conversation in front of them lead them to believe they'd assumed too much, and they got back to their usual behavior.<p>

Derek explored Serena's classroom and met her teacher with a smile on his face; another hurdle handled and another positive outcome.

That afternoon, they met Penelope, Reid and Rossi for lunch near Quantico. Goldstone was away with his old team, following up on a past case for a few days. Derek knew he needed to touch base with Goldstone, but it wasn't an emergent need. Byron Goldstone was a nice man, but he wasn't at the core of their daily functioning the way the rest of the team was. Being out in public helped make things feel less intense, and Garcia, to her ever loving credit, did not break down and cry. She acted like she always did, and Emily appreciated the Herculean effort that must have taken.

That afternoon, they picked Henry up from school after they got Serena, so the two of them could play like they usually did in the afternoons. And that evening, Derek saw Will, and their interaction was pretty similar to how it had always been, aside from those first few minutes. Derek invited Will and Henry to join them for dinner, and JJ met them at the house a bit later. And it was like it always was, a lot of comfort and laughter.

After dinner, as JJ was getting ready to leave, she gave Derek a hug. "Hotch told us about you not coming back. I already knew. I think we all did. I want you to know that you're like a brother to me and I love you. I understand, Derek. And nothing's going to change with us. I mean, where would the two of you be without me and my sarcasm anyway?"

Both Derek and Emily laughed with tears in their eyes. Derek hugged JJ tighter and said, "I love you, too, JJ. You are a vital part of our lives. Nothing is going to change in that regard."

Between the positive outcomes at the school and with the team, Derek felt like he was ready to make a call to one of the therapists Emily had spoken to in August. They both knew there was no totally brushing what had happened under the rug and Derek needed to have an outlet to process with other than Emily. The one man he related to best got him in for an appointment the next day and when the time came, Emily asked Derek if he wanted her to drive him, but he told her that he really felt like he needed to do this one on his own.

Emily was nervous that next morning while Derek was at his appointment. He had her car and it was the first time he'd been out without her since coming home. She tried to keep herself busy, touching base with the attorneys she felt most comfortable with. She wasn't ready to have a conversation with Michelle about full-time work yet. It just felt like a massive change that wasn't necessary at the time. They could keep going for awhile and she wanted Derek settled before she made a major career change. She was sitting in the den in her favorite chair, her feet on the ottoman, on the phone with another attorney about some potential cognitive interviews for the next week when Derek came home and walked into the den. Emily quickly got off the phone.

Derek moved her legs so there was space for him and sat down, leaning back and resting his head against against her chest. He wasn't crying, he was just quiet. Emily wrapped her arms around him and kissed his head.

"He's not quite sure what to do with me," said Derek quietly.

"What do you mean?" asked Emily.

"Most of the men he sees and the ones in his support group are a wasteland of break-ups, separation or divorce. They feel isolated without the friends or loved ones they had in the past. I don't have that. He asked about our relationship and he couldn't believe how well we were doing. Like completely could not believe it. But I liked him, and there are things I want to talk with him about. He took in everything I told him and said to come back next week and we could start over."

"I'm glad you liked him. As far as him not quite knowing what to do with you, remember we don't do average anything."

Derek laughed at that and leaned against Emily more solidly. They spent the next couple of hours talking about all of the things he could do for work, about how he could make construction more fulfilling. But the ideas they came up with didn't really yield much of an income when all was said and done. In the end, Derek decided he would at least start filling out the paperwork for an official contractor's license and they'd see how that all panned out.

* * *

><p>On Friday, Emily went with Derek to Quantico and held his hand as he walked through the building, up the elevator and into the BAU. She hovered outside Hotch's office, avoiding the glances of the team as Derek signed his resignation papers and turned in his gun and his badge.<p>

Derek came out of the office with red rimmed eyes, followed by Hotch. The team was gathered around one of the desks in the bullpen, and they didn't cry. Emily didn't know how; she was on the verge of tears herself, barely able to swallow, and she was the one who could hold her tears back best. She linked her fingers with Derek's and they walked down the steps to the bullpen floor.

Derek took a deep breath and addressed them all. "Dinners at our house on Sundays. And if you're on a case on Sunday, we'll find a night later in the week. You're our family and always will be and we love you all."

And though they all teared up at that point, they didn't move to embrace him or prolong this, sensing he didn't want that. They smiled and agreed that Sunday dinners together sounded perfect.

Derek nodded and squeezed Emily's hand. They headed towards the elevator and both glanced over their shoulder at the group gathered. Their family, who Derek wasn't leaving. He was just moving forward and he and Emily would take them all with them into the next chapter of their lives.


	17. Chapter 17

The weekend before Emily returned to some of her consulting work at Derek's encouragement, she expressed a lot of hesitation at leaving him home alone. He had paperwork to fill out and things he needed to do for his contractor's license, Fran would visit, but it would hardly fill his days. He could keep Caleb home with him a little later in the mornings and pick him up earlier from Judy's house, but they both felt like his routine of going to her house during the day was important for Caleb; Judy had him in a gymnastics class and they had regular play dates with other children Caleb's age, the children of Judy's other friends. They didn't want to take Caleb away from that.

On Saturday they left Caleb with Fran and took Serena with them to look for a new vehicle for Derek. He settled on a full-size pick-up truck, since he'd likely be needing one for work soon. Then, on Sunday, after contemplating some more about Derek being home the next week, she pitched an idea to him, which he immediately liked, and they told the kids who who couldn't contain their excitement. They went to the animal shelter that Sunday and came home with a cute ten month old mutt, part boxer, who was friendly and loved the kids, and loved to run. They named her Aurora, and Derek became hopelessly attached to that dog in an instant; they ran for miles together every day.

They moved through the end of October with the team over on Sunday evenings, and Serena and Caleb excitedly celebrating Halloween with Henry and Jack. Emily continued to put in ten hours a week at the BAU, and at first it was strange and sad without Derek there, but she admitted that she loved that part of her life just for herself. Being out of the BAU didn't seem to bother Derek. If anything, he was more relaxed and far happier. He loved being home more with the kids, loved being there in the afternoons, playing with Caleb and helping Serena with homework for her online classes. Serena, who didn't really have a care in the world about keeping any particular pace with her academic advancement, started from ground zero with Derek in Spanish, teaching him the same way Emily had taught her. Both Emily and Derek loved that he was home every night and sleeping in their bed. Sometimes he'd come home from therapy and be a little vacant, but after a run or playing with the kids or talking with Emily, he'd bounce back.

It was the first week in November when Emily was driving towards home early one afternoon and she received a phone call from an attorney based in DC. Elizabeth Prentiss was dead; she was diagnosed with stage four uterine cancer the previous June and rapidly declined. She'd had time to make sure all of her affairs were in order, though. As per her request, her body was quickly cremated and would be placed next to Emily's father's ashes in a mausoleum in Italy. Aside from an account that the attorney would manage to take care of any final expenses and his fees, she'd left everything to Emily, and it was all in liquid assets in a single account at this point and ready to go. The federal inheritance tax had already been taken out. The attorney just needed Emily to come in, sign some paperwork and pick up the cashier's check.

The only immediate emotion Emily felt at her mother's passing was relief that she no longer had to worry about that woman making a reappearance in her life. She'd let Elizabeth Prentiss go a long time ago, and though Emily didn't like to give the feeling of hate any place in her life, what she felt for her mother came close to that. Emily had some reservations about the money; she couldn't figure out her mother's motivations at leaving it all to her. When the attorney started rattling off numbers from various accounts and investments, Emily had to pull the car over for a few seconds to give herself a moment to snap back to reality.

She asked the attorney if now would be a good time to come in; she had just finished some cognitive interviews in Fairfax and had time to make the trip into DC. The attorney told her that would be fine. Emily called Derek and asked him to get Serena from her school and Henry from his, that she was running behind. She didn't want to tell him anything over the phone.

When Emily arrived at the office, the attorney handed her an envelope. Inside was a note from her mother, just five words. _I'm sorry for everything, Emily._

Emily blinked back tears at that. Though she would have denied any contact from her mother over the past several years, knowing in the end that her mother was sorry for everything left Emily feeling surprised and a bit empathetic. The attorney showed her a copy of the will and the name Emily Morgan kept jumping out at her; her mother had kept track of her at least somewhat these past few years. Then the attorney handed her the cashier's check.

"I told Elizabeth that there were better, more financially sound ways to do this, but she wanted to do it this way. She said she had spent the better part of forty years trying to control you and your life and she wanted to set you free quickly with no strings attached. As I said, the federal taxes have already been taken out of that amount and I'll send that check in along with the paperwork I'll have you sign today. Virginia imposes no state inheritance tax. You'll want to make an appointment with a financial planner and get that money divided up in investments and accounts so it's fully insured."

Emily alternated between staring at the attorney because of what he'd just said, and staring at the check. She couldn't really believe her mothers words or the check was real. This changed everything in terms of what Derek wanted to do while she got to keep her consulting work. Taking what remained from her mother's portion of her grandmother's trust for their family felt comfortable. And the portion that had come from her mother's investments could go to do some real good in the world at the hands of Derek.

She called their financial planner on the drive home to schedule an appointment. She spoke to the manager at the bank they used and asked to come in the next morning to meet with him. She made one last phone call to inquire about something, a gift she wanted to give someone else with a fraction of the money.

She returned home that afternoon to find Serena and Henry at the kitchen table, doing homework. Aurora came up to her, wagging her tail happily. Emily gave the dog a pat, dropped kisses on Serena and Henry's heads and went into the living room where Derek was snuggled up with Caleb watching a show on TV.

She kissed Caleb's forehead and asked, "Can I see you in the den for a minute, Derek?"

Derek gave her a curious look. He moved away from Caleb and said, "Be right back, Buddy," and followed Emily.

Emily put her purse down on the table next to her chair and took a seat. She patted the ottoman in front of her.

"What's up, Em?" he asked as he sat.

Emily spoke quickly so he wouldn't interrupt. "My mother died. I'm okay, mostly just relieved. She left me a note saying she was sorry for everything. I'm not quite sure how to feel about that, but I'm not going to spend much time dwelling on it. She left me everything, and this afternoon I went and picked up a cashier's check from her attorney. What would you say if I told you that you could do any or all of the ideas you had surrounding making construction work fulfilling, and it wouldn't matter if you only broke even on your projects, as long as you were happy?"

Derek just stared at her while she reached in her purse and removed the cashier's check, handing it to Derek. It was for just over three million dollars.

"I figure you can take a whatever you need of that and use it for your work, and we'll take the rest and invest it for our family. I can keep consulting as long as things are working out. I make enough for our basic bills and we can use this money to pay for our own health insurance, anything else we need and the school tuition. When Caleb starts there next year, I may decide to do something else, but for now, I'd like to keep doing what I've been doing. There's one small bit of that money that I want to do something else with, if she'll let me." She told Derek her idea.

Derek nodded his head and stared at the check. Finally he laughed and leaned his body against hers. "This isn't a joke, right?"

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Nope. Time to get out there and do what you want, Derek."

* * *

><p>When JJ came that evening to pick up Henry, Emily sat her down. JJ had longed for a school experience for Henry like Serena's. Though she and Will were comfortable enough, that comfort didn't extend to three thousand dollars a month in school tuition.<p>

Emily patted JJ's hand. "My mom died, Jayje. She left everything to me and it's an unbelievably crazy amount of money. I called Kathryn, the director at Walden Country School, and she said she had a space for Henry in one of the fourth grade classes. I'll take care of the tuition. I really, really want to do this for him and you and Will, so please let me."

Tears welled in JJ's eyes and she didn't say anything.

"Consider it doing me a favor. I won't have to drive two places to pick up kids after school," Emily said with a smile.

JJ laughed through her tears and hugged Emily. "It would be super weird and I'd say no if it was just your money. But if you want to use some of that crazy ass woman's money to foot the bill for Henry to go there, I'm in. I'm sure Will will agree."

* * *

><p>The week before Thanksgiving, Derek paid cash for a house that gave "fixer-upper" an entirely new meaning. He got a steal on it at a foreclosure auction. The house sat in a lower-middle class neighborhood that was on the rise. His goal was not to fix it up and make a profit. He was hoping to break even, giving a family an opportunity to own a nice home before they were priced out of the neighborhood, and he was planning to have some help working on it.<p>

Derek asked Emily to go with him at the beginning of December to meet with Julia Spencer, the director of several group homes in the DC area who housed teens recently released from juvenile hall, teens who really didn't have anyone supportive in their lives. Julia was kind, but formidable. Emily could see why she was a good fit for this line of work; Emily wouldn't want to cross her, but she couldn't help but like her right away. Derek pitched Julia his idea, and her eyes got wider as he spoke. When he finished talking, she laughed quietly in disbelief.

"Let me see if I understand you correctly. You, an ex-cop and ex-FBI agent, want to take four or five of our kids who could most benefit from a positive influence like yourself, and have them help you work on a house in order to sell a family a nice home they may not otherwise be able to afford. And you want to pay them a reasonable hourly wage for their work while you teach them construction skills. And you want to do this at absolutely no cost to us?"

Derek smiled, "Yep. I'll buy them all bus passes. They'd be responsible for getting there on time and getting back here on time, just like your other teens who are cleared for work. I know from your website that most of them attend an alternative school that ends at noon so that they have afternoons for work skills. So I'm thinking 1:00-4:30, Monday through Friday. Maybe a half day on Saturdays. I just need help with the paperwork I'd need to fill out in order to make this happen on your end, and some advice on what I need to do on my end. I'd trust you to find me a good fit for the first four or five teens, girls and boys. When this project is finished, if it all goes well, I'll get another house and come back to you for another group of kids to work on that one."

Julia laughed again. "Every time I start to think I might just give up on people, the world surprises me with something that makes me change my mind, though this is the biggest surprise ever. Let me tell you how to get started."

Emily reached over and squeezed Derek's hand and they shared a smile. Emily couldn't wait to see how this turned out.


	18. Chapter 18

The wood in the fireplace crackled and the flames softly glowed in their otherwise dark living room. There was a faint smell of pine in the air from the Christmas tree in the corner of the room. Tomorrow that tree would be lit up and they would celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with family and friends, and share in the joy of that magical time of year with their children. But for tonight it was just the two of them. Fran had taken the kids overnight at her house, and Derek and Emily were celebrating their wedding anniversary.

Though they'd talked about going out to a nice dinner together, when the day finally came, they ended up wanting nothing more than time in their home. They'd eaten their take-out meal in front of the fireplace and reminisced about their lives and where things were headed. Derek had spent the past few weeks filling out paperwork and filing forms and gutting the house he'd bought. The first week in January, he'd be meeting the teens Julia Spencer had selected to participate in his project, and he couldn't contain his hopefulness and excitement. Emily thought leaving the BAU had been the best decision he could have made; it was the hopefulness and energy around moving forward into something new that had kept him in a good space of mind and allowed him to heal even more. It had been two weeks since his last nightmare.

And neither had felt like they lost anything vital; their time with the members of the BAU had become even more precious and personal and family-like. Without Derek's participation in the team to hold them together, they'd found stronger, deeper connections rather than fading apart. They were family, and they weren't going to let each other go.

That night, unencumbered by the need to stay quiet, they'd gone a bit crazy on the floor in front of the fireplace. And now Emily was laying on top of Derek, her head on his chest, looking at the dancing flames, while they both tried to catch their breath and slow their frantically beating hearts. Derek had his head resting on one arm while his other hand was busy running his fingers gently through Emily's hair.

Emily spoke quietly:

"So I wander and wander along,  
>And forever before me gleams<br>The shining city of song,  
>In the beautiful land of dreams.<p>

But when I would enter the gate  
>Of that golden atmosphere,<br>It is gone, and I wonder and wait  
>For the vision to reappear."<p>

"Hmm?" asked Derek lazily.

Emily slithered her body forward and raised herself to face him. "It's a poem called _Fata Morgana._ I used to think about it when I'd dream of you and not be able to touch you. You're my shining city of song, and you're here, and I can't believe how far we've come and where we are now. Who's the poet?"

He looked at her and shrugged his shoulders. "Emily, I'm still so sorry for leaving."

She gave him a quick, soft kiss. "I fully understand the need to leave in order to heal, so stop it. That wasn't why I told you that. I wanted to know that you're my beacon and my heart can barely contain itself every time I see you and actually get to touch you. That's all. I'm the person who actually attained what that poem was striving for. And now you've done it; you said you're sorry."

Derek grinned at that and rolled her over so he was on top of her. The kiss he gave her in penance for his apology left her breathless and ready for more and she could feel him getting hard against her.

"That's pretty impressive, Derek," she said with a wicked grin.

He smiled back at her,

"O sweet illusions of Song,  
>That tempt me everywhere."<p>

Then he bent his head to whisper in her ear, "Henry Wadsworth Longfellow."

Emily laughed. "You knew who wrote that poem the whole time! And here I thought I finally won a round."

Derek laughed as well. "I had to let you think you could win some of the time."

* * *

><p>They had their Christmas Eve with the team, and Judy and Michelle Stone and their families, and Fran. Emily's favorite moment was when Rossi showed up at their door in a full Santa costume. Though the older kids all knew, Caleb didn't, and the kids and adults played along. Caleb looked like he had won the lottery. He kept shouting at everyone, "Santa is in my house!"<p>

Derek never batted an eye the whole evening, which was a better gift than anything tangible Emily could have imagined. He was right there in the moment, laughing and enjoying himself. The look of discomfort or worry didn't cross his face at all.

At one point Rossi, still dressed as Santa, put an arm around Emily's waist and gave her a friendly squeeze. "I don't know how you did it, and I know it's half Morgan, but still, you brought him out of a darkness few people can climb out of. I may just need to write my next book about you two."

Emily turned to look at him, at a loss for words for a moment. Finally she settled on, "I think it takes remarkable people to do what we've done and lived through what we've seen. It wasn't just me. It was all of us being remarkable for him, and him being remarkable for himself."

Rossi laughed, "That will be the first line in my book."

* * *

><p>The next morning the kids were up early, and there wasn't the usual haul of wrapped presents. They got a few, small things each. The big gift came in small packages: The next morning they were all getting on a flight, Fran included, and hitting the Bahamas for a few days, followed by a few days in Orlando.<p>

Serena was overjoyed just at the idea of a long family trip; it wasn't something they'd ever been able to indulge in before because of Derek's work. Caleb kept looking at the travel guide. "Mickey? We will see Mickey?" he asked over and over.

Emily didn't really have words to describe that trip. They were relaxed, they were happy, they enjoyed every moment. They didn't care about long lines, no one complained or whined once; they all had a perspective on life, even Caleb: Being together was joyful no matter what extraneous things the universe threw at them.

On New Year's Eve, they watched the fireworks at Disney World. Serena leaned slightly against Emily and Derek's thighs, holding Fran's hand. Caleb was on Derek's shoulders. Derek squeezed Emily's hand. "Is it totally weird that I'm standing here thinking this is the most magnificent thing ever?"

Emily smiled, "I've been on the verge of tears since we landed in the Bahamas. We're together, you haven't even looked at your phone, and you haven't really stopped smiling once. No, it's not weird."

Derek grinned, "Is it weird that this is our last night here and I'm pissed I didn't get Goofy's autograph?"

Emily fell apart in laughter, "OK, that's weird."

* * *

><p>On January 3rd, Emily once again joined Derek, at his request. It wasn't that he needed the support to do what he was doing, he just wanted to share it with her.<p>

Emily surveyed the teens in the small meeting room where Derek was going to talk to them about their new jobs. They were rough around the edges, they were longing for a strong human connection, and they were perfect for what Derek wanted to accomplish. None of them were violent offenders. They were kids who managed to live by committing smaller crimes: petty theft, small robberies and prostitution. There were three boys and two girls in the group, all eighteen and getting ready to age out of Julia Spencer's program in a few months. They needed a push to make it on the other side.

After introducing himself and his background and what they were going to do, Derek laid out the rules: Though their group home gave them one chance, Derek did not: fail a drug test once and you're out. He expected an improvement in grades. His goal was to get them to be able to graduate by June, with some life skills that would give them an opportunity to work while they attained higher goals. He wanted to get to know them, he was there for them, but he was no bullshit.

And then he did something that stunned Emily. He said, "I grew up in a moderately rough area of Chicago. My dad was a police officer and was shot and killed when I was a kid, right in front of me. When I was a teenager, I was molested by an adult I trusted. I persevered, and I want to show you that you can, too. A few months ago, I was hurt in the line of duty and I decided I was done with the FBI; I wanted to give something back to the world, not in catching criminals, but in giving wonderful human beings like you hope. Twenty people signed up to participate in this program. You were the lucky five. Remember that."

* * *

><p>Derek spent his mornings working at the house on his own, getting projects prepared for the teens in the afternoon. That first week, Derek came home from work practically levitating. He loved every moment of what he was doing, and was eager to share with the whole family at dinner. In all honesty, Emily had never seen him happier over a several-day span. He was happy that the teens were learning skills - they were starting with the electrical work - but he was more happy that they were talking to him, and that he was relating to the group. He truly was giving them hope, and in turn they were giving him optimism.<p>

One of the young men, Julian, stood out most in his mind. Julian had been arrested for the second time a year before for prostitution - he was selling his body for drugs. But he was a smart kid; he'd just never had anyone to rely on before. On Wednesday of that first week, Derek came home with tears in his eyes and said, "He gave me a fist bump and thanked me for making him believe again that people could be good."

There were no words for the wave of energy their entire house was riding on Derek's joy and happiness.

Emily switched her work schedule a bit again because she had to see it. She asked Judy to keep Caleb a bit later on Mondays and asked Will to pick up Henry and Serena from school, since it was Will's day off. Emily joined Derek in his work that Monday and picked up on the vibe. The two girls in the program particularly related to her, couldn't believe she was an ex-FBI agent and used to carry a gun. They were intrigued by her work with women and children victims of crimes. They all talked while they worked. Though there was some swearing and slightly edgier verbiage, they were all focused on the work and learning. They were good kids at heart, they just needed help remembering that, and none of them wanted to fail and be kicked out of the program with Derek.

The first report from Julia came the Wednesday of the second week, after eight days in the program. None of the teens had missed a homework assignment, their drug tests were clear, and she couldn't be happier. That Thursday at dinner, Serena asked Derek if she could go with him to the house on Saturday. Derek looked at Emily, who shrugged her shoulders in affirmation. They were both looking forward to how Serena's magic could work in that situation.


	19. Chapter 19

Emily dropped Caleb off with Fran late that Saturday morning and went to pick up lunch for the crew at the house. She was eager to see Serena working with Derek and the teenagers, and she got several things she didn't expect upon her arrival.

First, there was Penelope's car and Spencer's car parked on the street in front of the house. Maybe they were curious, or maybe they came to help.

Though it was cold outside, the front door was open, likely because of all of the bodies in the house working. When Emily walked up the front steps, Aurora stood up from where she was laying on the porch and came to greet Emily with a wagging tail. The only sound Emily could hear coming from the house was Serena's voice. She stepped into the open doorway and saw Derek, Penelope and Spencer standing against the wall nearest the door with smiles on their faces. The teenagers were sitting on the floor. And Serena was standing on the second rung of a ladder in front of them with a drop cloth wrapped around her like a cloak, passionately finishing a speech.

"...When I have said, cry 'woe!' — the queen, the queen,  
>The sweet'st, dear'st creature's dead: and vengeance for't<br>Not dropp'd down yet."

One of the teenagers, Ruben, called out, "Hey girl, how you know all that in your mind?"

Serena put her hands on her hips and gave him a sassy look with a smirk. "Hey, buddy, that doesn't matter. What matters is what Paulina meant."

Emily didn't quite know what was going on, but it was too precious, too funny, and she joined in the laughter of the group.

Derek heard Emily's laughter and moved towards her to whisper, "They were complaining about not understanding _The Winter's Tale_ and Serena decided to help them. I guess she memorized this monologue. I have no clue. She just jumped up, grabbed the drop cloth and started talking."

Serena spoke up again, "Does anyone have any ideas about what Paulina was trying to say?"

Angela, one of the girls, spoke up, "Paulina's saying sorry for speaking so mean, but she went crazy cuz the queen was dead."

Serena jumped down from the ladder with a smile on her face and walked up to Angela, placing a hand on Angela's shoulder. "YES! See, Shakespeare is like a different language. You just have to learn it to understand and you understood!"

Angela laughed and turned her head towards Derek and Emily, "Man, I don't know what two you got here. That girl is something."

* * *

><p>After that, the Saturdays at the house turned into something entirely different than what Derek initially planned. He extended the Saturday hours from 10:00-2:00 to 9:00-3:30. He brought Serena with him each time because she wanted to go, and he put the teens on a rotation, one or two working on the house while the others received tutoring from Serena.<p>

The team became regular cast members of that motley crew on Saturdays, either working on the house or tutoring. Nearly every Saturday they weren't on a case, Penelope, Spencer and Rossi were there for at least a few hours. Hotch almost always joined in with Jack, and JJ was often there with Henry. Will worked Saturdays, but managed to pop in sometimes to check out how things were going. None of them could stay away from that positive energy.

Fran and Emily tag-teamed it on Saturdays. One of them would stay with Caleb on Saturday mornings while the other went to the house. Then, whoever had Caleb, would show up around noon and bring lunch for everyone. Then around one o'clock, they'd trade and whoever had Caleb in the morning would stay at the house while the other took Caleb home for his nap.

Derek bought a whiteboard, a long folding table, and some folding chairs. He set them up in whatever room wasn't being worked on in order for tutoring and homework to happen. Serena was a natural teacher, moving the teens through their Algebra homework, helping them with their writing, explaining biology and history lessons to them. And Serena had her supporting cast of the BAU who helped out when extra help was needed. At first the teens couldn't believe they were learning from an eight year old, but once they got over that and started listening, they understood their work better than they ever had before. Serena started bringing a rolling suitcase full of her personal books to the house on Saturdays. "Everything gets easier if you just read," she told them.

She'd pull out books and relate to each of the teens personally, telling them why she thought they'd like a particular story. They weren't all stories geared for eighteen year olds, since Serena's books pretty much ran a vast age spectrum from stories for an eight year old to stories for a much older crowd. But since none of the teens had ever really read for pleasure, it didn't matter.

Emily was there one Saturday in March when Serena handed Angela a copy of _A Little Princess. _She said to Angela, "It's not quite going to be the same for you as it was for me, but if you think of us as a safe place, you'll relate. I think you'll like it. You're a lot like the main character, even if you think you aren't. You're kind and positive. You are."

The next Saturday Angela brought the book back and handed it to Serena. Angela was quiet for a few seconds before she bent down and wrapped her arms around Serena. "Thank you, Serena. I loved it."

Serena squeezed her back and said, "I knew it! I've got another good one for you, too."

Angela laughed and sniffled. When she stood up with teary eyes, she turned to find Emily giving her a small, loving smile.

Angela wiped her tears, blushed and mumbled, "That was the first time I hugged anyone in as long as I can remember."

Emily stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Angela, who hesitated before returning the hug, and in a second Angela was fully crying. "Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder how the hell I got lucky enough to be here."

Emily laughed and said, "I've said that same thing to myself several times the past twelve years. It's a good thing. You deserve it and you just have to go with it."

* * *

><p>All of the teenagers transformed into different people over the course of those first several weeks. The idea that really solid, positive adults <em>wanted<em> to work with them and volunteer their time made them believe that there was something of value within them. The way they spoke became more refined, and the way they carried themselves showed their confidence was building. The reports from Julia were out of this world: grades were up, behavior was almost perfect, and she had other kids clamoring to do well enough in her program so they'd be qualified to work on the next project_._

Often on Saturdays after lunch, the teens would all play out front with Caleb, Serena, Henry and Jack; games of tag and hide and seek were common. None of those teenagers had ever had a regular childhood, and they were condensing the life of child, high school senior and soon-to-be responsible adult in the few short months they had at the house with Derek and the crew.

One Saturday Emily heard JJ lean towards Derek and say laughingly, "You realize you're paying them for about six hours for them to do homework and play, right?"

Derek laughed and shrugged his shoulders. In his mind, this was all money well-spent.

Derek could have lit the northern skies for an eternity with the light in his eyes. Though Emily had vowed that they'd had enough tears in their life, from sorrow or happiness, she had to hold herself back from welling up every evening Derek walked in the door with a that radiant look on his face. Every once in awhile, Emily thought about her mom. Though she had let her mother go so many years ago, she found herself saying silent thank yous to Elizabeth Prentiss on occasion.

That spring, the teens' probation officers started showing up at the house to take a peek at what was going on, and it wasn't long after that that a reporter from The Post called and asked to interview Derek and the kids. One of the neighbors on the street knew the reporter and had given her a call to tell her about Derek and his project. He declined the interview at first, not wanting the attention. But as the weather warmed and the house neared completion, as the teens were getting ready for graduation and registering for community college classes in the fall, as the reporter kept calling, Derek finally agreed.

The picture that showed up in the paper on Sunday was something that immediately ended up on their wall. The photographer had come the Saturday before and the entire team and all of their kids were there, like they often were on Saturdays. Emily was there that morning and Fran had just shown up with Caleb and lunch. At first the team hung back in the front yard while the photographer got the teens and Derek set up sitting on the porch steps of the house.

Julian called out, "They all need to be in this picture, too," pointing at the group of them in the front yard.

Angela piped up, "Yeah. They have to. They're part of all this."

There was enthusiastic agreement from everyone else and Derek happily waved them forward to join in the picture.

Emily sat next to Derek on the porch and the team, Fran, Will, Henry and Jack crouched close together, behind Derek and the teens sitting on the porch steps. Serena draped her arms around Derek's neck from behind him and rested her chin on Derek's head, and Caleb crawled onto his lap. Ruben called Aurora over so she was in the picture as well. They squeezed together and smiled. And right after the camera clicked, Emily heard Serena whisper reverently, "My daddy," before bending forward further to give Derek a kiss on his cheek.

The article was titled, "House of Dreams." Derek's only requirement in participating in the interview was that it wouldn't be connected to what happened the previous August. He wanted no mention of that. The reporter agreed to the terms and the paragraph about Derek and his background and how he'd come to start his project was positive and wonderful.

The best quote in the article was from Julian, who said, "I thought when I aged out of the group home, I'd probably end up back on the streets. But I'm going to graduate from high school next month with a B average, which I never thought I'd be able to do. And I'm going to community college in the fall, which I_ really_ never thought I'd do. Derek and Emily and Serena, and all of their friends and kids taught me that it was okay to accept what I did in the past in order to survive and to not be ashamed about it, but now it was my time to take control and really learn to live a good life. And they showed me what a good life was. I never knew before."


	20. Chapter 20

Several significant things happened after the article appeared in the newspaper. The first was meaningful for just Derek and Emily. His picture and name had been in the paper and the next morning when he dropped Serena off at school, instead of the stares of curiosity and concern like he got back in October that made Derek feel ashamed, the parents at the school came right up to him and shook his hand and told him how absolutely wonderful he was. Despite all of Derek's healing and moving forward, he still maintained a level of discomfort around their acquaintances, still felt like when they looked at him, they associated him with Robert Foster. But after the article, that feeling went away. People he didn't know well had a different, more positive connection to make with him now.

Suppliers of constructions materials, from counter tops to windows and everything in between, contacted Derek and said they would sell him whatever he needed at cost for any of his projects in the future. Some even offered to donate supplies. And since Derek had already purchased the house for his next project, he was able to get the ball rolling and order the initial supplies and materials he needed at a significantly lower price.

The owner of Hatfield Construction, who contracted and built town homes and condominium complexes throughout Virginia, sent an email to Julia Spencer who forwarded it to Derek. He wanted to come meet the teens at the house, and was willing to offer them all full-time jobs that summer and see where things ended up after that, when the kids started college. He intimated that he'd be willing to discuss a long-term plan for employment after Derek's teens finished a project with him.

The two quieter members of the five teenagers, Philip and Karina, who trusted the least and were most hesitant about all the goodness, started really believing the possibilities within themselves after that, and blossomed quickly to join the other three in their confidence in hope and a future.

And then, eight days after the article appeared in the paper, Julia Spencer surprisingly showed up at the house with distinguished looking man in a suit. Emily was there since it was a Monday. The inside of the house was done at that point, and they were working on the sprinkler system, getting ready for sod and plants to be delivered that Wednesday. Derek was slowly letting go and saying goodbye to the teens in his mind, because he was thinking they only had a few days left together at the house before they were officially done and the house went on the market. The next week, they would graduate from high school and the week after that, they'd start their jobs with Hatfield Construction.

The group was out front and pretty dirty and sweaty when Julia arrived that day. The man with her didn't seem to mind. He stuck his hand out towards Derek and said, "Derek Morgan? I'm Fletcher Wilson. It's truly a pleasure to meet you."

Derek shook his hand, a little perplexed, and then Fletcher shook hands with Emily and the teens, recognizing them from their individual pictures in the article and calling them by name. He addressed the group, "Can you show me around the house? I'd love to see what you've done with the place."

Julian nodded and said, "Yes, sir. Come on in."

Derek and Emily hung back with Julia while the group led Fletcher into the house. They both raised their eyebrows at Julia wondering who this man was, and Julia laughed with tears in her eyes. "I'm not going to spoil the surprise for you. We better get in there."

All the the teens were eager to share what they'd done to the place, what they'd learned and how the house looked when they started. They showed him where they did their schoolwork, and told them about Serena and the team and all the changes in them in the past few months. They had no clue who this man was, but he seemed important and eager to hear their stories.

Fletcher Wilson smiled at the group and said, "I'm very impressed with all of you. So impressed that I canceled some meetings and took the day off work in order to come meet you. I missed your article when it first ran, but an old friend of mine from when I was practicing law named Aaron Hotchner gave me a call to make sure I saw it. I think you know him pretty well. I have a similar background to you five, and it took a very loving foster family with an army of grown and amazing kids to get me moving in the right direction. Your army was a bit different, but the results are the same. And I think you could make something of your lives just like I did. I'm the president of Virginia Commonwealth University, and it would be our pleasure to have you come attend our school starting in the fall. Full scholarships, including on-campus housing and a dining plan. You'd have to complete a certain number of units each semester with a good grade point average in order to maintain your scholarships, but I believe you all could do it."

Five stunned faces stared at him for several seconds. And Emily and Derek, standing in the background, welled up with tears.

"You're serious?" whispered Angela.

Fletcher nodded, "Totally serious."

"But it's all the way in Richmond," said Julian, glancing at Derek and Emily. And they knew the reason for his hesitation. Those five had made plans to stay close and keep riding the wave of support they'd received from their family and the team.

"Richmond is a two hour train ride, Julian," said Derek thickly. "You could still see us. You have to take this opportunity."

Julian still looked hesitant and Fletcher stepped in, "You know, when Aaron first called me and I read the article and then called him back, I told him I might be able to swing one or two scholarships since it was already May. But Aaron said it needed to be an all or nothing thing. That you five were a family and you needed to stick together in order to have the best chance at making it. I know it's not everyone you've come to rely on, but part of growing up is leaving your nest. You'd be together, and I'll be there to keep an eye on you."

"We could do it together," said Karina, "I think we really could."

"A real university," said Michael quietly.

Ruben laughed, "Man. You remember when Julia told us that there was an opportunity to work on a house back in December and we all thought about how the pay was good and that was it." He laughed and shook his head again, looking at Derek, "You got some crazy magic juju in you, Derek Morgan."

"We're going," said Angela firmly with tears in her eyes. "We're going to do this together, and I'll kick all your butts if you don't toe the line. We'll take the train home some Saturdays and get our tutoring and see everyone, and we're going to blow everyone's minds at that college. If Serena was here she'd tell us she knew we could do it, and we'd believe her. We can."

Julian nodded with tears in his eyes. "You're right. We're going." He stepped forward and shook Fletcher Wilson's hand and said, "Thank you, sir." Then he turned to Derek and Emily and wrapped his arms around both of them, and the other four teens joined in that hug. There were tears at first, but they quickly turned to elation and excitement.

* * *

><p>Derek got the group focused on their work in the front yard again and then he joined Emily, Julia and Fletcher near Julia's car. They had a quiet conversation.<p>

"I wasn't kidding when I said I could probably swing one or two scholarships at this point in the year," said Fletcher. "I got through law school on scholarships and love from my foster family. And after, I quickly became a powerful defense attorney. I made more money than I knew what to do with and realized I had it all wrong, defending the people I despised. That's when I started teaching instead, and worked my way up to the position I'm in now. I'm actually funding three of those scholarships for the next year. It will be some of the best money I ever spent. If those kids keep up with their school work, they'll roll into the university's scholarship program their sophomore year."

Derek replied, "I don't know how to thank you."

"You just keep doing what you've been doing. I talked to Julia and she's going to send you kids entering their senior year in the summer and fall. I can't do this for up to fifteen or twenty kids a year. But they've got a good shot if they get their act together and apply for a scholarship on their own. Not just at VCU, but other universities and colleges. I know a lot of people. We can make this work. If they're motivated, I'll help you find them a way, I promise."

Emily was relatively quiet through all of the exchanges that day. She just soaked it in. This was Derek's triumph. He'd had help, but this was his idea and she just watched him being what she knew he was: the most beautiful human being on the planet.

* * *

><p>That night, Derek and Emily had a conversation with Serena. They told her about the scholarships, which made Serena practically take flight in joy. And then they had a serious conversation with Serena about her own future.<p>

"There are kids your age who were smart like you who started college, Serena," said Emily.

"I know," said Serena, "I've read all about them. I don't want to do that."

"Why?" asked Derek.

"Because everything I could learn in college is going to be there when I'm older, and I only have one chance at being nine or ten or eleven or older. I don't want to be a teenage heart surgeon, or a twelve year old college graduate. I want to be me, with both of you and Caleb. I'm so happy. I love my family and I love my life. If I went to college, I wouldn't have time to play with my friends, I wouldn't have time to help Daddy with his teenagers, and that's what I want to do. I know I could go to college, but all I want to do is be Serena. And I'm happy with the Serena I am right now."

Emily gave Serena a hug and kissed her cheek. "I love the Serena you are, every minute of every day. And you'll tell us when you need something more?"

"I promise, Mommy."

Derek wrapped his arms around both of them and whispered in Serena's ear, "There is nothing in this world that could make me forget to remember you, my amazing girl."

* * *

><p>That night, after Caleb and Serena were asleep, Derek locked their bedroom door, but Emily could tell by the look on his face that this wasn't about sex at all. He started taking off his clothes, and Emily did the same. When they were both naked, Derek spooned up behind Emily in the bed and wrapped his body around hers.<p>

"How did we get here?" he asked in wonder.

Emily paused for a few seconds, thinking before speaking. "You know what I think? I think we were two unique human beings born with innate resiliency and a tremendous capacity for love. We got to put our resiliency to use through the years, but we didn't have an outlet for all of the love until we found each other. So it was all bottled up, and then we let it loose. That's how we got here."

Emily could feel Derek starting and stopping what he wanted to express a few times before he smiled against her shoulder blade. "OK, Em. I can go with that."


	21. Chapter 21

Derek and the teenagers finished the basic landscaping in the front and backyard of the house on Friday, exactly one week before their high school graduation. Derek was meeting with a realtor on Monday and the house would go on the market. He could have done it that week, but it seemed wrong to start selling the house while the group was still working on it; there was this feeling that the house was theirs until it was complete.

Everyone was sad it was ending, but also very excited about the future. Derek told them to come on back on Saturday to do the final clean up and get their last paychecks. The group seemed relieved that there would be one last day together. Before they left that evening to catch their bus, they stood on the sidewalk with Derek and stared at the house. "It really is a house of dreams," said Angela quietly, leaning her head on Derek's shoulder.

That night the team and Fran came to the house and did the final clean up with Derek and Emily. Then they decorated the inside for a surprise graduation party the next day. Caleb, up well past his bedtime and in a slaphappy mood, ran through the house with streamers chanting, "A party for the big kids, a party for the big kids." He kept the mood from getting too somber; they were all sad to see this end.

There would be a new house and a new group of teenagers in a couple of weeks, and they were looking forward to that, but there likely wouldn't be quite the same feelings as there was the first time. For one thing, Derek had already met with the new group, and they weren't walking into this with wonder and surprise. The new group knew something really good was coming and they couldn't wait to be part of it. Still, their questions were hopeful and amazing when he met them. "When do we get to meet Serena? Is it true Spencer memorizes anything he sees? Will Emily still come on Mondays? Will the little kids be there so we can play with them? Will we get to go to college, too?"

* * *

><p>The next morning, everyone gathered early at the house and when Angela, Karina, Philip, Ruben and Julian walked into the house, they jumped up with a loud, "Surprise!" There were tears and happiness and lots of exclamations and sighs about how none of them had ever had a party before. Serena, Henry, Jack and Caleb just wanted them to get to the presents. Though Emily and Derek had footed the bill for much of it, the BAU contributed significantly, and they'd started a collection at the FBI to contribute as well, and each of the teens got one similarly wrapped box.<p>

Inside each box was a framed picture of all of them on that front porch, the one that was in the paper. They each got private letters from Derek and Emily, Serena, Fran, and all of the members of the BAU. They each got a laptop, for school work and to stay in touch. And they each got punch cards good for thirty train rides between Richmond and DC.

They spent the morning and early afternoon talking and laughing, and as their time came to an end, Derek stood up with tears in his eyes to address the teens. He winked at Emily and said, "A very wonderful, spectacular woman once told me that everything that happens to us, good or bad, makes us who we are. We take the past with us, but hold onto the present. And when bad things happen, we can still be whole and beautiful. It's only a matter of believing in that truth. Living isn't about forgetting; it's about remembering everything and choosing a good path. You're all on an amazing path, and we all can't wait to see you through it."

And while the teens rushed towards Derek to hug him after that, Fran wrapped her arm around Emily. "Thank you for my son, Emily. I don't care how simplistic you make it seem; you had superhuman strength and love. You didn't just bring him home safely, like you promised me you would, you brought him home even better than he was before."

Emily smiled with happy tears in her eyes. "That's what we Morgans do. We just get better."

* * *

><p>Late Monday morning, when Emily was home doing paperwork and bills for both her and Derek's businesses, and Derek was supposed to be meeting with the realtor, she was surprised to hear the front door open. Aurora bounded into the den before Derek did.<p>

"Can I sit?" he asked her.

Emily looked at him with wide, curious eyes and put the laptop aside and opened her legs on the chair and ottoman so Derek could sit and lean against her. When he was settled and her arms were around him, she stayed quiet until he was ready to speak.

"Eight thousand dollars," said Derek quietly.

"What?" asked Emily.

Derek chuckled. "Will called me after I dropped Serena off. He said he'd received an email from a fairly recent graduate of the police academy about the house. His name is Rick. He'd heard through the grapevine that Will knew me. Rick has a wife named Lauren, who got pregnant last year and gave birth to triplets a few months ago. They don't have much at all, but their parents are willing to put up the down payment, and they qualified for a moderate home loan. I called off the realtor and had Rick and Lauren meet me at the house instead. They're wonderful people. Those babies are so cute. What they qualified for is well below market value of what I could get for that house, but I don't care. That was never the point."

Emily squeezed her arms around him and kissed his head. "Sounds exactly right, Derek."

He nodded his head. "So, eight thousand dollars. After every paycheck was signed and all of the supplies were paid for, that's what I'll make on the project. And it feels like a million dollars."

Emily kissed his head again and said quietly, "At least a million dollars. Derek, what you did...there really are no words. You gave all of us hope and I love you more than I could ever tell you in words."

"The other night when I asked you how we got here, I just couldn't express what I was thinking. That if it wasn't for Robert Foster and your mother, we'd never be at this point in our lives, and it's a total mind fuck, because this point in our lives is amazingly indescribable."

"And what I think is that we would have gotten to a similar place emotionally, no matter what, because it's what we were destined to do. It doesn't matter whose cards got us in that position. If it wasn't for them, we'd have found another way. Don't give them the credit. I'll thank my mother quietly for the money. But Robert Foster is insignificant; the significant thing is that you learned how amazingly strong and beautiful and whole you really are. But you should only thank yourself for that. This was all you."

Derek shook his head. "No, it wasn't. It was half you. Jacob had you pegged when you were five years old. You're spectacular and not like anyone else in this world. And I'm the lucky one who got you."

Emily whispered in his ear, "I'm the lucky one, Derek."

They lapsed into silence for a couple of minutes before Derek spoke.

"Hey, Em? You remember when you were pregnant and the house was under construction and this was the only room we had available to us with a door so Serena couldn't just walk in on us?"

Emily grinned. "Yes. We had some fun times in this chair."

"Oh," Derek said in a mock nonchalant tone while shrugging his shoulders, "I was just wondering if you remembered."

Emily laughed and whispered in his ear, "Go close the curtains, Derek."

Derek eagerly stood and closed the curtains. Then he turned back around, and, in the dim light, smiled at Emily. "Ours really is the best love story ever."

Emily held back her tears and smiled back at him, "I know."

* * *

><p><em>Author's note: I'm going to end this one here. I'll probably pick up on this happy family again in the future, but I recently revisited the story I was writing before Labyrinthine came to me and I realized how much I liked it, so I'm going to work on that one for awhile. <em>

_This has been a great ride! I think I've cried more writing Fata Morgana than I have in years. Thanks for sticking with it until the end and trusting me that even though the story got dark, I'd crawl them back out of the hole. _Thank you for all of the positive reviews! __


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